“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
We’ve been working on this blog for about four months. Practically all of the entries have been joint efforts, where David and Tammy talk about what they want to write, and then David writes it. A couple of times David has written something just from him.
This morning, Tammy had an email exchange with a close friend at work, who told her she was “scared” for what lies ahead for Tammy. She knows God is in control, but she is concerned for Tammy.
What follows is Tammy’s response.
“I think I understand how you feel. I would feel the same way if it were you. I really feel a peace about this. I often do a little ‘self check’ about being scared. Honestly, what would scare me is if I could not have the transplant. It is my only hope.
“Even though I don't feel ‘sick’ now, I know I can’t go on like this. I have a gut feeling that I will not ever be any better without the transplant. It is worth it to me now to go through it.
“Last October, when I first found out about it, it was hard to understand that it was neccessary, but I do now. I have prayed for years to God to ‘use me in a mighty way.’ I think this is it. God did not make me sick; He is not punishing me; He loves me. But He has been preparing me to be strong and tough and ‘right brained’ about this for Him.
“He is supplying me with strength and a peace for this. I really am not afraid or worried. I would prefer that it all goes smoothly and quickly, and I would absolutey love it to have a remarkable recovery in record time. God knows I will give Him all the glory for it; so maybe that is the plan! Wouldn’t that be great?
“I have two six-page consent forms I need to sign and return. They are lists of the treatment plan and all the possible reactions, consequences and side effects of all the procedures and medicine/chemo/radiation. I have literally placed my hands on them and prayed ‘Lord, this is yours to take now. I will sign it all even though these big words are somewhat intimidating. You made me; You know me and I know You will make all the drugs and plans work perfectly for me.’
“I really don’t have to know everything about it. God knows and that is all that matters to me; He is in control. I feel like I am riding a tandem bike with the Lord. I just have to pedal; He drives and sees where we are heading. I don’t have to know the exact plan; I simply need to have faith and trust in Him, and keep on ‘pedaling.’
“We all have tough times and it is often hard to imagine going thru someone else’s tough times. I don’t expect anyone else to completely understand all this; but I know praising the Lord in these tough times is ‘a sacrifice of praise,’ and He will honor it. As long as I can praise Him and give Him all the glory, I will not fail. I will be fine.”
Tammy is still on schedule to go into KU Medical Center Monday for the chemotherapy treatment. If everything goes according to schedule, the transplant will happen by blood transfusion the following week. Please continue to pray that His will is done and that it goes smoothly.