Continued Improvement

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

We had another appointment at the clinic today. Besides Tammy's latest series of labs, we had an appointment with a nurse practitioner. Tammy's counts keep going up, remarkably fast. Her platelet count is now normal (189, 150-400 is normal) and her ANC (telling us how well she'll fight infection) is very close to normal (1700, where normal is 1800-2400). The NP said she is doing as well as she can possibly be doing. Every bit of improvement will help her long-term chances.

We're continuing to take a positive approach. We know that this time through will be riskier than the last time, but this is absolutely the right choice. Every time we get news like this afternoon's we are more confident that this is what we should be doing. Pray extra hard next week as the first few days after the transplant are the riskiest.

Tammy knows that she's in for a fight, so she's got her "rumblin' duds" on (check out the photo). Our nephew, Ian, found this scarf in California and thought it represented Tammy's fighting spirit. David Lee and Julie bought Tammy the shirt for her birthday last year. (Now I know the lead doctor at the clinic has told Tammy that she's "one tough woman," but she has trouble with the "tough girl" look.)

Today, the NP told Tammy that she was amazed how well she was doing. She kept using the term "hearty." (I guess that means that she's David Lee's and Julie's "Hearty Mum.") That heartiness--or toughness--certainly will help her as she goes through the tough times. It did the last time for sure.

There is one change from what we previously told you. She now will go into the hospital this Thursday (rather than Wednesday) and her transplant will now be Wednesday, May 16. We know that the donor is a one-stop flight from here, so the transplant will not happen until late in the evening, at least 9:30 p.m. Tammy is guessing that "Mike" is from San Diego. I think he's from Jersey, which means she's going to have an accent of some sort.

Several of you have mentioned to us that you have been blessed by this blog and by our testimony. While that is flattering, we like to claim the words of our good friend and pastor, Brian Wright: "What's good is God, the rest is us." We are pleased that God has chosen to speak to you through us. Writing this blog has been very therapeutic for us, and we want to be transparent and let Him be seen through us. We'll keep writing, and you keep praying.

The Power of Worship

Exodus 23:25
"Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you."

We've had a few hours to absorb the news of today--the excitement of the fact that we're ready to get started with the next step, and the sobering news of the risks involved.

As I was preparing dinner, I thought about the day three and a half years ago when we went from the possibility of a bone-marrow transplant to the fact that it was the option we would take. I remember very clearly hearing the doctor talk about the risks involved with a transplant and the chances for her survival. We knew we needed to go down this path, but it was hard to put my arms around the whole concept.

That evening, I went to worship rehearsal and shared my concern with the members of the worship team. They prayed with me and for us, and as we worshiped that evening, my fears departed and I once again was able to hold on to the fact that God was in control. I could feel that sense of peace wash over me.

As I processed those memories tonight, I shared them with Tammy. Now we don't believe in coincidence, so it was pretty cool that tonight, I got to go to worship rehearsal. I'm on the worship team at church once every two or three months, so it's not like I go to worship rehearsal every Thursday night. I told Tammy that I was looking forward to the opportunity to worship with close friends and let God wash over me. Tammy said, "Can I come?"

She won't be able to go to church for about a year. She actually has permission to go this weekend, but with going into the hospital next week, we don't want her to run the risk of picking up something. Once she gets out of the hospital, she'll be under tight restrictions, so she's out of the church loop for quite a while. Tonight, she was able to join us for worship and be ministered to at the same time. But more than that, she was a blessing to the other members of the team. Even facing the uncertainty of the impending procedure, they could see the joy of God on her face.

God has been so faithful to us, especially over the past few years. We actually look forward to what He has in store for us, because we know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

My friend and former Major League Baseball star, Mike Sweeney, had a great description for our situation. He used to tell me, "Life is a two-seater bicycle, and I'm just along for the ride."

The Next Step

Hebrews 7:26
"Such a high priest truly meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens."

We now know the details of the next step, and it's nothing short of another miracle.

We went to the clinic this morning for our appointment with the doctor and the transplant coordinator. They told us that the other match they found has agreed to be Tammy's next donor. Their description of his response was "record time."

The donor is a 50-year-old male. We have no idea where he's from, but we know that God sent him. Just like we were with her first donor, Jim, we are very thankful that this man was willing to listen to God's nudge to get tested. And when the call came that he was a match, he was willing to help save Tammy's life. He will be a part of our family forever, just like Jim. So we came up with a name for him. Tammy has two brothers, Mike and Jim. Since we already have another Jim, we're calling this guy Mike.

Tammy will go back into the hospital next Wednesday, May 9. She'll go through another batch of chemo in preparation of her second transplant on Tuesday, May 15. The treatment will be less intense, since she's already had a transplant, and her body would not be able to handle the full regimen again. The good news is that the treatment they will give her will have fewer side effects. She likely won't be as sick while she's in the hospital or after she gets home.

Another transplant can be risky, because they're subjecting her to lower blood counts and chemotherapy again. But not doing anything would be far riskier. The doctor also told us that they thought about a booster dose from Jim. While that would be less risky initially, the fact that Jim's cells didn't prevent the Leukemia from returning means the long-term risks would be higher. So they believe that this is the best option.

While we were meeting with the doctor and the coordinator, we shared our belief that God is using the KU Med Center's Bone Marrow Transplant team to accomplish His will. We told the doctor that Tammy is under the care of The Great Physician. He said he agreed with us, and he joined us as we prayed for the coming weeks and months.

As we prepare for this next step, we ask you to step up your prayers. God had this whole adventure in His plans before the beginning of time. He knows our every need, and He will provide.

A Big Day with Big News!

Proverbs 15:30
"Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones."

I know we've used that verse before, but it's so appropriate that we're using it again.

We just got home from our second visit to the clinic today. Our first visit this morning comprised labs and a visit with the doctor. The second visit was for Tammy's latest bone-marrow biopsy.

The labs turned out great! All her counts are up markedly. We are very pleased with the progress. Her white blood count, which was 2.3 last Friday, was 3.8 today. That means her immune system is building strength. That's a pretty significant jump in just four days. Her platelets also jumped pretty significantly. They were 73 last Friday and are 119 today.

But the biggest jump was her ANC (absolute neutrophil count), which tells the doctor how well her body can fight infection. The magic number for that is 500, because when she hits that number she can stop a couple of the medicines she's been taking, and we can eliminate many of the restrictions from her diet. Plus, we get to kiss each other for the first time since she went into the hospital March 24. Last Friday her level had jumped to around 250 (from 20 the previous Tuesday). Today that number was 1,026! (Excuse me, Doc, I need to kiss my wife!)

We'll find out many of the results from the biopsy tomorrow, and then Thursday we go back for an appointment with the transplant coordinator. We'll learn the plan for the next transplant. We know there's another possible donor, but we don't know if he has accepted the responsibility yet. We'll also find out when Tammy will need to go back into the hospital.

We have to admit that we were anxious as we headed to the clinic this morning. We wondered how we would react if the news had not been good. Our faith is strong, and, deep down, we knew we'd be okay. But it didn't keep those thoughts from gnawing at us. With the news being as good as it was, we laughed a lot this afternoon. We very much enjoy each other's company, but today was extra special.

Many of you have asked if you could bring us a meal. Before today that answer was no. Tammy couldn't eat "home cooking" made by anyone but me, because I knew the precautions to take when preparing her food. Now, while she still has some restrictions, she can handle more things. We're not asking anyone to bring anything, but we also won't turn down a good offer. Just call us and let us know.

More than meals or words of encouragement, we appreciate the prayers being lifted up on our behalf. We felt them today more than ever.

One Small World

Revelation 4:9-11
"Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

It's been a while since we posted. We said we weren't going to post every night as long as things stayed on the same path, but we didn't intend to wait this long. Time just got away from us.

Nothing really has changed since we last posted on Wednesday. Tammy had labs drawn Friday and the numbers continue to go up slowly. That's very encouraging, as it means she continues to respond to the treatment. We wish the numbers were normal, but that's not realistic. God is teaching us (read: me) patience once again through this.

Tuesday is our next big day, as we will go back to the Cancer Clinic Tuesday morning. She'll have more labs drawn, then we'll meet with the doctor. If her counts are high enough, they'll do another bone-marrow biopsy that same day. If not, she'll wait until the next visit. The results of the biopsy will determine the timing of the next step. We're pretty sure she'll have another transplant, but when is still to be determined.

I went to a bone-marrow drive Saturday, organized by our good friend, Dr. Stephanie Crabtree. While this one was not in Tammy's honor, specifically, Steph--whose parents are among our closest friends--did write an article in Kansas City Health & Wellness magazine on Tammy's recovery and the donor who saved her life.

Tammy's next donor probably won't come from Steph's drive, just like her last one came from a drive halfway across the country. But every time there's a bone-marrow drive, more people are added to the registry. Thank you to everyone who has registered; you could be the next one to save a life. If you're not part of the registry and want to be, call 1-800-MARROW2. You can go in to your local branch and get registered, or find out when the next drive will be in your area.

This is a good example of how God weaves everything together in His will. Our friend Jim "just happened" to be driving down the street of his hometown in upstate New York when he saw the sign for the local drive that probably was in honor of someone from that town. God knew Tammy needed Jim to donate and nudged Jim into that fire station.

Here's another example. Today in church, we did Phillips Craig & Dean's "Revelation Song," a beautiful song based on Revelation 4. Here's a link to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsiDukXIeVY&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=AL94UKMTqg-9DZmOV6i-7AvjyiB1l6HZzB

After that song, our worship director Dave read Revelation 4 and talked about how all tongues will praise Jesus together in Heaven. If you weren't getting goosebumps, you weren't paying attention. Then Dave started the chorus of "Our God" with only an acoustical accompaniment. But he did it in Swahili. (Now I don't speak Swahili, but I detected a strong American accent.) After singing the chorus twice, Estera, our intern from Poland, joined in on the keyboards and singing, in Polish. Following a couple more trips through the chorus, the whole band joined in and Lisa led the rest of the congregation, in English.

It sounded really cool as we pictured being in Heaven with voices of all kinds lifting up praises to Jesus in all kinds of languages.

This afternoon we got to speak to Julie and Erich on Skype. I shared the experience from church with them, and they just smiled. When I got through, Julie said, "Daddy, we sang 'Revelation Song' in church this morning." How cool is that?

Literally all over the world, praises were being lifted up, many times with the same song, just in a different language. One of my favorite descriptions of God is "omnipresent," which means He is everywhere at all times. As we face the uncertainty of another bone-marrow transplant, what a comforting feeling it is to know that wherever this path takes us, God will be there and He will be in control.

Nothing New

We set a record in Kansas City today as the temperature hit 92 officially. We're thankful for A/C and that Tammy is able to eat ice cream on such a warm day.

There's nothing new to report. We probably won't post every night as things begin to level off. She continues to improve, but it's slow and there's only so many ways of reporting that. We'll post anytime there's something new, or when something comes to mind. Her next appointment is this Friday for labs only, and then she sees the doctor again next Tuesday. We'll definitely post after that as we expect to know much more about future treatments.

Even though there won't be a lot to update, we do want you to keep praying. Once again we believe that she is doing so well again because of the numerous prayers. By the way, we used to joke about the fact that prayers were being lifted up from five continents, and sometimes gave grief to Australia and Antarctica. Well, now we can only chastise the penguins, because Australia has joined the fold.

Making an Impact

2 Timothy 2:20-21 (The Message)
 "In a well-furnished kitchen there are not only crystal goblets and silver platters, but waste cans and compost buckets—some containers used to serve fine meals, others to take out the garbage. Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing."

We went to the cancer clinic today for our first appointment with a doctor since Tammy was released from the hospital. The doctor was very pleased with the results of her labs. All her counts are improving, and he is hopeful that she will be ready for her next biopsy by next Tuesday. He also said the counts may be high enough by this Friday that she can cut back on some of her preventative medicines. When that happens, it means we'll be able to kiss each other, something we're both really looking forward to.

But I want to focus on something other than kissing or even recovery. While the doctor was in the room, Tammy asked him if he had taken his trip. He looked puzzled, so she said, "To St. Louis, to look at colleges?" Then he remembered that he had told her about his daughter who also wants to be a doctor. She's a senior in high school, so she's choosing the first step of her college career that won't end for at least a decade. He filled her in on which college his daughter had chosen. You could see the joy on his face as he shared about his daughter.

As we were getting ready to leave, one of the nurses who was there three years ago came in to visit Tammy and hug her. She wasn't Tammy's nurse, but Tammy had had enough of an impact on her that she wanted Tammy to know that although she was sorry the Leukemia had returned, she was glad to be able to see her again. She also said she was praying for Tammy.

As we left the clinic, she waved at one of the residents in the office. That doctor got out of her chair and came out into the hallway. She asked how Tammy was feeling, and of course, Tammy asked her how she was doing. She hugged Tammy as well.

The point? Tammy continues to be used by God. Remember from three years ago that Tammy's prayer since childhood has been to be used in a mighty way. She certainly was through her first battle with Leukemia, and every indication is that she will be again.

I'm very proud of her, as you probably know. I know I'm biased, but I see up close how other people are more important to her than she is to herself. She certainly has good self-worth and she's doing everything she can to get better. But she doesn't wallow in self-pity. Instead, she chooses to focus on others and their needs.

You might think, by the way I write so glowingly about Tammy, that I think she's perfect. I know she's not. She's about as close as anyone I know, but she still has faults. She knows that the only way to have perfection is to accept the forgiveness offered through the sacrifice of Jesus. Part of the impact she makes is living out her faith. She doesn't pretend to be perfect. She also doesn't complain about her situation. She simply lives out love. When asked how she can be so upbeat while sitting in a hospital bed, she gives credit to God and the strength He provides.

Now that's making an impact.

One Plate of Spaghetti, with a Beenie Weenie Chaser

Genesis 2:18
"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'"

A few weeks ago, I posted on the blog how lonely I was with Tammy in the hospital. I made spaghetti that night, which I love, but I didn't enjoy it because I ate alone.

Well, tonight I ate spaghetti again. It was delicious, and thanks to our good friends, Vince and Debbie, I didn't have to cook it. And even though I was the only one who ate spaghetti, I didn't have to eat alone. Tammy is still on a neutropenic diet, which means she has too many restrictions to eat something "homemade." So while I get to chow down on things like spaghetti, Tammy gets to fill up on such things as Dinty Moore Beef Stew and Beenie Weenies. But we can eat our dinners together, and that makes all the difference in the world.

We have another friend who describes his wife as his "completer." We can't think of a better way to describe our relationship. Even though we have our own identities, those identities are made more complete when including the other. I'm not just David, the sports fan and insurance agent. I'm David, the husband of Tammy, and the father of David and Julie. I'm also the friend of more people than I can count. I am tremendously blessed with many people who impact me on a daily basis.

But mostly, I am a child of God. There are holes in every area of my life, but God is able fill every hole. It is our prayer that you have that same relationship.

Rest and Relaxation

Isaiah 40:30-31
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

We didn't post yesterday and are just getting around to it this evening. But we have a good excuse: we wanted to be lazy.

This has been a very restful weekend. Tammy got home Friday evening, and other than a couple of scheduled trips to the cancer clinic we hardly left the house. I had a chance to go to the NASCAR race today, but I chose to stay home and spend the day with Tammy.

We got to talk to David Lee for a couple of hours on Skype this afternoon, and that was a day-maker. We talked to Julie and Erich on Thursday. The kids are doing well in Poland. They wish they could be here with their mother, but they know that they are where God wants them to be right now. David is coming home for a wedding at the end of May, and Julie is probably coming home when Tammy goes back into the hospital for her transplant.

More than anything, we spent the weekend re-acquainting ourselves with each other. I love spoiling her, and I got to do that uninterrupted for two days. Life returns to near-normal tomorrow, but I'll still spoil her whenever possible.

Home Sweet Home!

1 Samuel 25:35b
"Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request."


I went to the grocery store this evening. I haven't had that much fun at the grocery store in years. Why? Because I had a list of things to get for Tammy since I was able to bring her home from the hospital earlier in the day. The last time we brought her home from the hospital, I went to the same grocery store with a list. That wasn't nearly as much fun, because I was nervous that I would do something to make her sick. Now that I know what foods will taste good to her, and how to do things to help her recover, I could focus on spoiling her.

It's such a blessing to have her home with me. I keep looking over to where she's sitting and just smile at her. I can't believe how much warmer this house is with her here. There's an ambiance of joy in the air.

We know there's a long road ahead. We don't know how long she'll be home before she heads back for another bone-marrow transplant. When her numbers come up, she'll have another biopsy. The results of that biopsy will give the doctors the answer to that question. They're reaching out to another potential donor to see if he is willing to donate when the time is ready.

If you want to stop by and visit, please call first. Our home number is 913-262-0740 and her cell is 913-908-4795. Please don't come if you've been sick or been around anyone who is sick. Also, if you've been around small children, please refrain. Drive-by's are okay (you can wave at her through the window).

She's also still on a special diet, at least for the next couple of weeks. She has too many restrictions to have someone else prepare meals. We'll let you know when she's ready to accept meals from others.

We appreciate your prayers.

Preparations

John 14:3
"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

I know, this is totally out of context. Jesus was talking about preparing a place for us in Heaven, so we can be with Him. But as we were looking for a verse that was relevant to today, we found this one. I've had a lot to do to get the house ready, but I can't wait to come back to the hospital tomorrow and take her home to be with me.

We've had about 10 hours to digest the news of this morning, and we're more excited than we were then. We still know it might not happen tomorrow, but the fact that it's possible is encouraging.

After spending some time at home this afternoon "preparing a place for her," I came back to the hospital. We've spent most of the time talking about how we'll do things once she's home. We talked about the layout of the house (we're thankful for a small home) and how she'll get around when I'm not there.

It's little different than what we went through after her transplant. She won't need round-the-clock care, and her diet won't be as restricted. She'll still have to visit the clinic at least three times per week, and we'll set up a schedule for people to take her to her appointments. Other than fatigue, she feels pretty good, so we don't have to worry much about how she'll handle the days she feels sick.

We've had a lot of time today to be thankful. Once again, we've thought about how thankful we are for the wonderful treatment she's received at KU Med Center. We're thankful that she recognized the symptoms quickly, so she could get treatment right away.

And of course, we're very thankful for the prayers that have been lifted up on her behalf. We're a long way from being done with this journey, so we continue to covet your prayers.

Big News!

The doctor came in this morning and told Tammy that her counts went up a little bit more. We were pleased to hear that, though it didn't prepare us for what he said next. "They're not yet where we want them, but I think they will be tomorrow. So plan to go home tomorrow."

I'm home now trying to get the house ready. I thought we'd have two days, but fortunately we have family and friends who can help us out. So if everything goes well, Tammy will get to come home Friday.

It's not guaranteed, and we've learned not to be disappointed when encouraging news doesn't exactly turn out. But at least we know it's coming. If I'm still awake after a bunch of housecleaning (this place looks like a bachelor has lived here for four weeks!), we'll post again this evening.

Thanks for your prayers. Keep them up!

Every Step Counts

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Tammy is responding to the latest "tweaks" in her treatment. Her blood pressure has elevated slightly, and her counts are up a little bit too. They're not jumping up yet, but every step counts.

It is the goal of the doctors to send her home as soon as her counts are high enough that releasing her would not be risky. She won't be 100 percent, but she has to have more strength than she does now. The fact that the counts have started to go up again, means it could happen soon. We're still hoping for Friday, but it's more likely to be early next week. The good news with that is that when she does go home, she won't have as many restrictions as she did after her transplant.

Speaking of transplants, the plan now is to have another transplant. She has to be healthy enough for it, but what we expected might happen now looks to be more certain. When Tammy's counts get high enough to warrant another bone-marrow biopsy the results of that biopsy will determine when that transplant might occur.

It's pretty amazing how much peace God has given us with this whole process. We always had faith that God was in control, but there was great trepidation as we faced the last transplant. Now, as we face the same prospect, neither of us is worried. We know that it's risky, but we are very calm.

Don't stop praying. We know that we are strengthened by your prayers. We can face the trials in front of us because God gives us strength.

Holding Pattern

It's late, but we wanted to post a quick update.

Tammy is about the same, as her counts have leveled off. The doctors are not sure why, but they're not worried. They're trying to figure out what will kick-start them into growth. Until then, she'll stay at KU Med Center.

The good news is that's exactly where she needs to be. We're thankful that it's an option. Insurance is not dictating where she goes, or for how long. The decision belongs entirely to the doctors. She won't come home until she's ready.

Both of us would prefer her to be at home, but we're also both comfortable with the fact that she's in the best place she could be. We're being patient, knowing that God's timing is always perfect.

Have a blessed day.

Hair Follies

James 1:12
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

For a woman, the loss of hair can be an ordeal. It certainly was for Tammy three years ago, at least when her hair first started falling out. She dealt with it pretty quickly, and proudly wore scarfs throughout the summer as her hair slowly began to grow back.

This time, she looked forward to losing it, because it itched and was difficult to take care of. But she still looks in the mirror as she walks by and is startled by the "bald is beautiful" look.

It's been a couple of weeks since Tammy's hair began to fall out and we shaved off the rest of it. Now the follicles are coming out. If you look closely at her (which I've done a lot since we're not allowed to kiss each other), you can see how many of the follicles are gone, especially on top.

It appears she has male pattern baldness, which is appropriate since her DNA is mainly that of a 40-year-old male. We don't know if Jim is "hair challenged," but the chemo has done it's duty with Tammy's hair.

We can laugh, because Tammy is doing pretty well. Her blood pressure is coming up, and she feels better. She's still a little dizzy at times. We're still hopeful of bringing her home later this week. We'll post when that becomes official, though if you live in KC you won't need a computer. Just listen for a "Yippeeeeee!" coming from my direction.

I still think Tammy is the prettiest girl at the ball. It doesn't matter how long or short (or completely missing) her hair is. She has a perfect face.

Another Hurdle

Romans 15:30
"I urge you, brothers and sisters, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me."

We knew when we first got the diagnosis that the Leukemia had returned that we would be in for another long road toward recovery. We feel like we are better prepared, because we've been through it before. But at the same time, we knew there would be new challenges, because the treatment is different.

Today Tammy is fighting extreme fatigue. The doctor said it's because her blood pressure is low. Tammy asked him if this was a problem, and he emphatically said, "No. The medicine will take care of it." It's just a side effect of the treatment.

The doctors have been quite encouraging throughout this process. They applaud every positive step she takes, and build her up on those rare occasions when she gets down.

She was able to keep down a chocolate milk today, something that has given her trouble as recently as a week ago. Not only is that a good sign, she loves chocolate. (In her mind, the four basic food groups are chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and hot chocolate.)

Please keep her in your prayers. Even though she has a very positive attitude, there are still days when she gets discouraged and wonders how long she'll feel like this.

It's Just Physical

Psalms 16:8-9
"I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure."

Tammy has a great attitude, as you know if you've been following this blog for a while. Yesterday, she told me that the hospital chaplain had visited her and asked how she felt, especially when she got the news that the Leukemia had returned.

Tammy's response was exceptional, and at the same time what you'd expect. "I knew that I needed to come back to the hospital, so I was ready. The doctors here are world-class, and they knew exactly what needed to be done to fix my body. It's just physical."

It's just physical. No matter what happens with this disease it cannot affect her attitude or her soul. She belongs to Jesus, and He will protect her. "He's at her right hand." She's not worried about how the disease affects her body. Of course she wants to get better, but she's focused on doing the right things to recover, rather than worrying about what might happen.

All of us face struggles, whether they're physical ailments, life situations that cause stress, or anything else that can get us off track. It's easier said than done, but Tammy has the right idea. Those things can't take us down if we don't let them.

Can you tell why Tammy is my hero?

She Has That Effect

Sorry we didn't post anything last night. We promise to post something together tonight.

Those of you who know Tammy know that she has an impact on everyone she meets. I've been at the hospital when the cleaning lady comes through. Tammy engages that lady, asking about her family and things going on in her life. She makes her feel good.

So this morning I was feeding the cats. I told them that Tammy would be coming home soon. They didn't seem to notice, because there was food in their bowl. Thus their attention was focused squarely on the food. But when Larry walked away from his bowl, there were a few pieces left. I took the picture you see above.

I ain't sayin'; I'm just sayin'.

Have a great day.

Taking More Steps

Psalms 37:23
"The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him."

We're like most people; we take things for granted. When Tammy had her transplant three years ago, I remember how much we celebrated when she was able to walk all the way up and down the hall. When she returned home and was able to walk up the hill to the top of our street, we really celebrated. When she walked all the way around the block, a full 1/8 mile, we were jubilant.

Before this latest set-back, we would go for mile walks at a brisk pace and barely think about how tough it was for her just a couple of years ago.

Now that the symptoms are back, we're once again celebrating small achievements. Tonight, she walked up and down the hallway, plus back and forth on the short extension where her room sits. She was pretty tired when she got back to the room, but a couple of days ago she wouldn't have been able to do that much.

We're still hopeful of a return home early next week. The counts still have to go up some more, though they have improved since yesterday.

When I asked her what she wanted me to write about tonight, she asked me to tell you how thankful she is for the cards she's received. Any time we get one at home, I bring it to the hospital and she enjoys the thoughts conveyed. It's only been very recently that she has been able to read them for herself, but she's appreciated them all along.

We'll keep updating as long as you keep praying.

Things Keep Getting Better

Romans 12:6-8
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully."

Encouragement is such an important thing. we receive so much encouragement from the cards and emails we get from all of you. The doctors and nurses here are a big boost. They tell Tammy that she is a remarkable patient (the doctor today said she's soft on the outside, but she's "one tough woman" on the inside).

Tammy also is an encouragement to others. I know some of the nurses and aides come in to her room to get a "boost" of Tammy. She has genuine concern for them, and it shows. She's the perfect medicine for me as well when I'm down, either because she's in the hospital, or I'm falling behind on work projects, or anything else.

We continue to be encouraged by how well Tammy is responding to treatment. When I got to the hospital this morning, I met with the PA who said that Tammy's counts are "jumping up" each day. Her white blood cell count was 0.4 on Monday. Yesterday it was 1.0 and today it's 1.5. Those numbers sound low, and they are (normal is 4.5-11). But considering the number was 0.0 less than a week ago, it's encouraging.

After her transplant three years ago, that number increased by 0.1 each day, if that. She told me today that she can't believe how good she feels. And she continues to look very good.

The critical number for her release from the hospital is her ANC (Absolute Neutrophil Count), which needs to be 500. Right now, she's well below that. However, those numbers can go up dramatically. There is a slight possibility she could go home as early as this Friday, though it's more likely that it will be early next week.

When she does go home, it won't be with the same restrictions as when she came home after her transplant. She still has to be very careful to stay away from sick people, and those who have been around other sick people. But she won't need round-the-clock care. We can't wait for her to return home.

This is a very fluid situation. We have been very pleased with the progress, and we believe that a lot of that has to do with the amazing care she's received at KU Med Center. We also believe that a lot of that has to do with the numerous prayers being lifted up on her behalf. Please keep them coming, especially as she prepares to come home.

Waiting Game

Psalms 27:14
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

We're now in waiting mode to find out the next step. The doctor came in today and confirmed that her next bone-marrow biopsy will be at the end of next week. That may be while she's still in the hospital, or it could be on an out-patient basis. That will be determined in the coming days.

The results of that biopsy will confirm the next steps in the treatment. We don't know those steps now, but it's not important that we know. The doctors have a firm grasp on the process, and they're not surprised by anything. When we need to know, we'll know. Once again, God is teaching us patience.

Tammy's counts continue to go up, and she continues to feel better each day. When the counts get high enough, and her dizziness is completely gone, they'll let her go home. The fact that they're talking about when they might release her is cause for optimism by itself. The fact that she's feeling so good is further cause for optimism.

It's also easier since we've been through this before. When she does have a down day, we can hold on to the fact that it's part of the process and not symptomatic of a problem.

We continue to covet your prayers. If you've never been prayed through a rough time, you have no idea how comforting those prayers are, or how much you can feel them as they're lifted up on your behalf. It would not be too much of a stretch to say we're blessed to be going through this so we can feel that support once again. We wish we didn't have to face the difficulties of a relapse, but God has definitely blessed us through this time.

Expected Good News!

We'll try to update this evening, so I'm going to make this short.

The doctor came in this morning and told Tammy that the chemo had worked; her Leukemia is gone from her system. Her bone-marrow is empty, which was necessary as well, in order to rebuild her system the way they want to.

She'll have another bone-marrow biopsy in two more weeks. We're not sure where that will be, either in the hospital or as an out-patient. It depends on how her counts rebound. When they hit a certain level she'll be free to go home.

We're expecting some more results tomorrow, which may lead to more plans being finalized. We'll let you know.

Thanks for your prayers. Keep them coming.

Happy Easter!

Luke 24:1-8
"On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, 'Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: "The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again."' Then they remembered his words."

Easter is our favorite day of the year. As our pastor mentioned today, for Christians this is bigger than the national championship or the Super Bowl. We celebrate the ultimate victory over death.

I know this isn't about me, but I can tell you that Easter is the only day all year that I don't struggle to get up. I'm a night owl, and I'd rather sleep in. But on Easter, I love to get up, because of the anticipation of the worship that's about to come. Last night, I was working on a big project for work until a little past midnight. Yet, this morning when the alarm went off at 6:40, I was already awake. I couldn't wait to go to church.

I have to wonder if the women mentioned at the beginning of this chapter went to the tomb "very early in the morning" in anticipation of what they might see. We know they weren't convinced that Jesus had risen, because when they got there, the "were wondering" why Jesus' body was not there. But they had been around Jesus for a while, and they had to hear Him say a number of times that He would rise again on the third day. Could it possibly be true?

Do you anticipate seeing Jesus in everyday situations? He wants you to see Him as you go through life. We're seeing Jesus all over this particular journey. It's our goal to reflect Him so others can see Him through us.

Tammy continues to do well. She's still sleepy a lot as they slowly rebuild her blood counts (and with that, her energy levels). But she continues to recover nicely. Tomorrow or Tuesday we will find out the results of Friday's biopsy. We're hoping that it will show that the Leukemia is completely gone. The doctors will determine the next step depending on what the test shows. We'll keep you posted.

Today's picture is courtesy of our friend, Anthony. He came up to me after church today and showed me a knit hat he had made for Tammy. We had no idea he was so talented. Tammy was impressed. She immediately put it on, and she looks good in it.

A Peaceful Saturday

Numbers 6:24-26
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Today was a very restful day for Tammy. She hasn't had a lot of activity, so she's been resting in her bed most of the day. I was able to get a lot done at home before heading to the hospital to watch the Royals beat the Angels with her. I'll head home soon to finish up my chores around the house.

I would love it if Tammy were able to move around freely, but I know that she just doesn't have the strength yet. It's normal at this stage. The fact that the doctors remain pleased with her progress gives us encouragement.

Our faith allows us to trust the path that God has laid in front of us. In our "wisdom," we might make decisions that could affect her adversely. He has given us peace to wait on Him.

The day between Good Friday and Easter has always been a strange day. There's a pall hanging over us as we contemplate what Jesus had to go through on our behalf. There's also an anticipation of a huge celebration tomorrow. Counting on God's peace is something we all have to do. Our prayer is that you would feel His peace today as well.

A Good Friday

Isaiah 53:5
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."

I remember as a child wondering why the day we commemorate Jesus' death was known as "Good Friday." If Jesus died on this day, what was good about it? I'm sure a lot of people have thought the same thing. As I grew up, I understood that Easter wouldn't be possible, and by definition, my salvation would not be possible without Him being willing to die on my behalf. That makes this day we commemorate Very Good Friday.

I don't want to make Tammy's health struggle to sound anything like the eternal struggle that mankind has with sin. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). But here's an analogy that might work.

Tammy had another bone-marrow biopsy today. It was planned from the day she arrived almost two weeks ago. The purpose was to determine if the chemo has adequately killed the Leukemia in her system. It caused her pain, and now she's sleeping off the effects of the medication and the intrusion into her body. It was painful, but it's worth it, because with this test the doctors will be able to determine if she is on track in her recovery.

Jesus had to endure pain--physical and spiritual--so that we could face eternity with hope and optimism. It was planned from the beginning of time. The purpose was to establish a way for us to be forgiven.

Our prayer for you today is that you can understand that God loves you so much, He was willing to send His own Son, to die on your behalf.

How good is that?

A Late-Night Update

Song of Solomon 1:15
"How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves."

You can never go wrong with quoting Song of Solomon, especially when talking about a beautiful woman like Tammy.

I just got home from the hospital. Tammy continues to do well. I brought her a supply of do-rags, okay, scarfs, so she's set from the shaved-head perspective. She still looks beautiful, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. I can't tell you how many nurses tell her that each day.

When I got to the hospital, it took us 15 minutes to open all the cards and packages, just from the past two days of mail. We are indeed blessed by the many family and friends who love us. And while we appreciate the cards and gifts, we appreciate the prayers even more. Keep them coming!

Yahoo!!!

Genesis 21:6
“God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”

Three years ago I walked into Tammy’s hospital room on a Tuesday morning. Our son and I had shaved our heads before Tammy went into the hospital in anticipation of her losing her hair, and that morning I had attended a bi-weekly meeting for the first time since the “hair-removal” procedure.

She asked me that morning what the people in our group had said about me shaving my head. I told her the first reaction was that they thought it was pretty cool that I would do that for her. She ran her fingers through her own hair and said, “Wouldn’t it be something if I never lost my hair?” When she pulled her hand away, it had clumps of hair, and she started to cry. It was the first time I had seen her cry during the whole ordeal.

She calmed down after just a couple of minutes, and did it again. More hair, more tears. I took her tray out of the room and went to the nurses’ station, and I asked what to do. They said to shave it off, which we did. And Tammy was fine.

Today, about a half hour after I got here, she was scratching her head. She looked at her hand and shouted, “Yahoo!!!” I asked what happened and she said, “My hair is coming out. I get to shave it!” It was a little different than the last time. She pressed the nurse-call button. When the nurse came in, she said, “My hair is falling out,” to which the nurse said, “I’m sorry. It should be expected.” Tammy said, “I know. I’m ready to have it shaved!”

The doctor was just outside the door, so the nurse said she’d wait until his visit was complete to do it. He came in a few minutes later and told Tammy she looked much better today. Then he said, “I hear we’re going to do some ‘hair alterations’ today.” Then—and he probably shouldn’t have said this—he said, “You have the cutest face, with and without hair.” I agreed.

Tammy really does feel better today. Yesterday we mentioned that she was able to relax and was even joking with the nurse. She felt like she had turned a corner, and I mentioned that I noticed a difference. We didn’t want to say anything in the blog, in case it was temporary. But the difference today is even more noticeable. She laughed all the way through the haircut. She hasn’t been drowsy since I got here.

We know there’s still a long way to go in her recovery, but days like today are a real boost for both of us. We appreciate all the prayers. Please keep them up. We’ll keep updating.

By the way, the Syracuse shirt is in honor of our friend and Tammy's donor, Jim, who lives near Syracuse.

Steps

Proverbs 16:9
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."

We've talked many times about steps of progress during the past three-plus years. As she is facing the same challenge again, we are constantly looking for steps in Tammy's recovery. Sometimes they're very small steps; sometimes they're bigger. Even in a long process like this one, baby steps are something to celebrate.

I've been at the hospital for about three hours today (I'm working...really). I can see some improvement in just the time I've been here. For the past few days, she's been very restless. She's had a fever, so she just couldn't get comfortable. It's part of the routine, but it's still tough to see and tougher for her to endure. But she seems to be a little more comfortable now. The fever is down for now, which has allowed her to relax. We had a good chat with one of the nurses, and Tammy was laughing and joking along with us.

Tammy will have another bone-marrow biopsy this Friday. The doctors are hoping that the Leukemia will be gone, and how she responds once it is gone will determine what and when the next step will be. We're praying for no signs of Leukemia and that the next step is a booster dose of bone-marrow cells. But we're not in charge, and ultimately, neither are these wonderful doctors. Because we can plan our course, but the Lord determines our steps.

No Change

Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want, I can do all things through him who gives me strength."

There's really no change today. Tammy continues to receive fluids and an antibiotic through her IV to try to keep her fever down. She's still very weak, but as we have said previously that's very normal. We really don't expect much different over the next few days. Please conitnue to lift her up in your prayers.

Tammy is remarkably content, in spite of her weak condition. She wishes she could move around, but I haven't heard her complain once. She knows that God has a plan, and she just wants to be obedient. I'm just trying to follow her example.

She is storing up energy for tonight. She's looking forward to watching the KU basketball game tonight. Hopefully she'll be able to stay awake until the end.

Desiring God's Will

Luke 22:42
“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, and those of you who know us well, know that our desire is to follow God’s will. We know He is in charge, and He knows what we need much better than we do ourselves. Sometimes our desires are for things that may bring us harm in the long run.

It’s pretty easy to say that. It’s a little tougher to believe it. It’s much tougher to live it. We’re doing our best, and we appreciate your prayers for us to be able to do that.

I want you to read something we wrote in November 2008, when we were still trying to figure out the options for treatment and wondering what God had in store.

“Tammy is very much at peace with whatever this disease brings, because she knows that God can be glorified. If she is healed completely, as is our selfish prayer, then God can be glorified because of His power. If He chooses to have her suffer with the effects of the disease for a long period of time, He can be glorified through her faithfulness. If He chooses to bring her Home because of this disease, He can be glorified by her peace.”

That thought carried us through some really tough times, including the night after Tammy had her transplant when she was rushed to ICU. The words of the doctor—“The next 12 to 24 hours are critical for her survival”—still ring in my ears. I will never forget talking to our kids on the phone and telling them how much of a fight she was in. She made it through that fight and did wonderfully well over the next three years (today is the three-year anniversary of her transplant), until last weekend.

She’s now in another fight, though she is responding well to the treatment. She has been battling a low-grade fever for the past 18 hours, but that’s fairly normal at this stage. The doctors are still pleased with her progress. They're in the process of determining the next steps. It’s not that they don’t know what to do. Each step is predicated on how she responds to the previous step.

(The chemo has not weakened her sense of humor. Remember that she’s at the University of Kansas Hospital, so it may come as no surprise that last night around 10 p.m. two nurses came into her room and asked if they could watch the final couple of minutes of the KU basketball game with her. She said that was fine, and they pulled up a chair. She looked over and said, “May I get you ladies something to drink?”)

No matter what the future days, weeks and months provide, we know that God has a plan. Once again, we are okay with whatever God decides to do. Obviously we want her to survive and get healthy quickly. But our honest prayer (most of the time I can do this) is “Not our will, but Your will.”

That’s not giving up. We’re not saying, “Well, since we don’t have control, we’ll have to go along with whatever You decide. Oh, woe is me.”

It’s actually quite freeing. God has Tammy’s—and my—best interest at the core of His will. We don’t have to figure out what’s best. We simply have to trust.

Good Choices

Ephesians 1:3-6
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

The Final Four is today. Every year, Tammy and I enjoy watching the tournament together. Even though Tammy is not as big a fan as I am, she enjoys filling out a bracket and following her choices through the tournament. She’s always good for some upsets, but she usually fades in the end.

Not this year. She picked two No. 15 seeds to win over No. 2 seeds, and got both of them right. She picked Lehigh to beat Duke and Norfolk State to beat Missouri. I used to think she picked teams based on nicknames, but I think I finally figured out her system. If she likes a team, or has a friend who likes a team, she picks them. It worked this year. She doesn’t like Missouri anymore because they’re leaving the Big 12. She doesn’t like Duke anymore because I got her a “Beat Duke” T-shirt in Chapel Hill last year. With that system, she did very well.

She picked seven of the Elite Eight (she had our favorite team, Kansas State, beating Syracuse). She nailed three of the Final Four (she had North Carolina beating Kansas). She had Ohio State winning the championship game (beating Louisville), because of our friends, the Smiths. Our son-in-law graduated from Louisville. (Before you think she likes the Smiths more than our own son-in-law, she does take seeding into account to a certain extent.)

As I continue to lament how I could have finished so far behind her in our pool, when I’m the one who follows college basketball so closely, I started to think about choices. The second-best choice I ever made in my life was to ask Tammy to be my wife. It has been nearly 31 years of amazing times. We’ve faced difficulties, as all couples do, from health issues for both of us to some tough financial times, and many other things. But God has delivered us through them, we believe, because we have placed our trust in Him.

That brings me to the greatest choice I ever made. That was to accept Jesus as my Savior. I chose Him as my Savior because He first chose to offer Himself as a sacrifice for me. I know I have sinned, and I also know that I cannot have a relationship with God without someone standing in the gap on my behalf. Jesus died on the cross so that I could be forgiven of my sins and spend eternity with Him in Heaven.

We’re hopeful, and confident, that’s a long way off for Tammy. The doctors are pleased with her progress so far. She finished the chemo today and now it’s rebuilding time. We won’t know anything, other than daily blood counts until next weekend. Those counts reveal quite a bit to the doctors, but they’re just numbers to us. We just have to trust that they’ll let us know if there’s anything to be concerned about, as they have done all along.

I’m very thankful that you have chosen to go on this ride with us once again. We treasure your friendship and love, and mostly your prayers. I’m also very thankful that Tammy can look past my flaws, and love and trust me. Mostly I’m thankful to God for choosing to make a way for me to be “holy and blameless in His sight.”

Following the Path

Before I turn in for the evening, I wanted to send a quick update.

Tammy is resting comfortably most of the time. She doesn't have a lot of energy, but that's to be expected. Tomorrow is the final day of chemo and then "the fun begins," according to one of the nurses.

The doctor came in and said that Tammy is right where she needs to be. After the chemo is done, they'll start to rebuild her immune system. That should take 2-3 weeks, and then she should be ready to come home. Sometime in there we might see a "booster" does of bone marrow from Jim. Hopefully that will be all it takes, but the possibility remains that she'll need a new transplant. We'll keep you posted as we find out things.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I'll get to spend more time during the day with Tammy. We'll try to write something together.

Keep the prayers going.

A Good Update, Keep Praying

Psalm 141:1-2
"I call to you, LORD, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice."

We finally got the final results from last Friday's bone-marrow biopsy. As expected, there is an infiltration of Tammy's cells in her DNA. Fifty percent of her cells were her own, and 50 percent were her donor's. Two months ago, her DNA showed 100 percent donor cells, so the doctor's guess of her cells overpowering Jim's turned out to be true. It proves that the Leukemia is hard-charging and needed to be dealt with, which is why she's on the chemo again.

The doctor was happy with Tammy's progress when he came in today. He was actually pleased that she only had 30 percent of her cells showing signs of Leukemia with that much of her DNA now made up of her cells.

He was also pleased with how she has responded to the chemo this time. She hasn't gotten sick yet and, other than fatigue, she feels pretty good. The chemo will be completed Saturday and then the rebuilding starts. The next big step is another biopsy after day 14 (probably April 7) to make sure the Leukemia is gone. If it is, they'll proceed with the next treatment. They're leaving their options open, but that still may include another transplant. We won't know that for a while.

Tammy got to speak with David Lee today via Skype. Speaking with her kids really perks her up. It reminds me of how much God must like to hear from us. He loves us more than we can imagine, so it brings Him great joy when we stop by and say "hello." Next time you do, please ask Him again to bless Tammy.

One Plate of Spaghetti

Ecclesiastes 4:11
“If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”

I love spaghetti, especially the way Tammy makes it. She browns about a pound and a half of beef, then adds some spaghetti sauce. She also cooks Italian sausage and adds it in with the meat sauce, and pours all that on the spaghetti noodles. I can put away half the batch by myself in one sitting. When I know we’re having spaghetti for dinner, I look forward to it all day.

I had spaghetti for dinner tonight, just the way Tammy makes it. I’m actually a pretty decent cook, so it was pretty tasty—almost as good as Tammy’s. But I didn’t really look forward to it, and I didn't really enjoy it, because I ate alone. It sucks.

I haven’t written too many selfish posts in the three-plus years we’ve had this blog. I want every prayer lifted up to be for Tammy and her recovery. But I’m asking for prayers for me, and for our kids and our extended family.

It’s hard to be alone. I have never lived alone in my life. As a life-long diabetic, it’s not a good idea. I don’t like it. Our house isn’t real big, but it’s way too big for just me. I don’t want to be here, as I’m sure you can understand. Coming home to an empty house is no fun at all. Three years ago, David Lee was here while Tammy was in the hospital, so we had each other to share frustrations, fears, jokes, good news, etc. The cats just don’t seem to understand.

I’m not asking for anything other than prayers. I have plenty of food and the ability to cook it. Please pray that I can deal with the loneliness in a productive manner. Also, please pray that I can keep up my energy as I try to keep working, keep the house clean, do the laundry and keep busy with any of the other things that make up a normal day, while still finding time to be with my favorite person in the world.

While you’re at it, please pray for our kids. They’re doing well, but I know they wish they weren’t 5,000-plus miles away. I’m thankful that they have each other (and Erich) so they can comfort each other when they’re down. And finally, please pray for our extended family. Tammy’s parents, my Mom, her brothers, my brother and all of our families are burdened with Tammy’s condition.

The opportunity to pray to the Creator of the universe is a wonderful gift. We continue to covet your prayers. Thanks for letting me act a little selfish for a little while.

A Quick Update

I stopped by the hospital between appointments today. Tammy is very tired today, but that is normal for this stage of the chemo. Other than the fatigue, she feels very good, which is better than the last time.

The doctors are still pleased with her progress and still are sticking to the plan they have had since last week. We're still waiting for some more test results to determine a firm plan, but so far nothing has caused them to change their minds.

I get to go shopping for her tonight. She actually asked for some things, which she never does. I can't wait.

Please keep praying. She is doing as well as she is because God is blessing her richly. We believe He is honoring the prayers of hundreds, if not thousands, of people on her behalf.

She's still open to visitors, though the restrictions are more critical with each passing day. Please call first, as we said, and do not be offended if she just isn't up to it. She knows you're there for her, and that helps.

A Source of Joy

2 Corinthians 9:7
"...God loves a cheerful giver."

This verse often is used for sermons or illustrations for tithing, because, in context, that's what Paul is discussing.

But I want to talk about it in a different way. I'm at the hospital now and I continue to be amazed at how much Tammy can give, even when she's not doing well herself. I've been here for a little more than an hour tonight (my second visit of the day), and I've lost count of how many different nurses and aides have been in to check on her. I know for a fact that many of them come in to Tammy's room to get cheered up.

I've seen Tammy be almost asleep when someone comes in, but she'll perk up and ask how that person is doing. She'll remember things about nurses who took care of her three years ago. It's fun to watch those nurses tell the newer nurses about Tammy and how much joy she brings to everyone.

I used to have a boss who had a theory on dealing with people that he called "more a person, less a person." His theory was that every encounter you had with a person would either leave the other person feeling "more a person" or "less a person" because of the way you treated them. Thank the toll taker for taking your $2.50 and he'll feel better about himself. Smile at the cashier at the gas station and her day will go better.

Tammy has a giving spirit. Those of you who know her know that. She approaches every encounter with the "more a person" approach. She gets great joy about giving of herself in every situation. And as the lucky schmoe who's married to her, I get to be the recipient of her joy more than anybody.

She continues to do well. The chemo doesn't seem to be affecting her as much this time, and she still looks great. If you want to visit her, we still ask that you call or text her (913-908-4795) to make sure she's up to it. If she is, I guarantee you'll leave feeling "more a person."

It's her gift.

An Inspiration

Psalm 86:2-3
"Guard my life, for I am faithful to you; save your servant who trusts in you. You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long."

Over the past three-plus years, I've written about a lot of things. Most of them have to do with Tammy's condition. A few of them have been about her faith and how she inspires others. This is one of those.

Earlier today on Facebook, the following exchange took place:

One of my cousins wrote: "There is no doubt in my mind that God is so proud of you Tammy. You shine no matter what is going on. Your SALT and LIGHT are contagious. You add JOY and INSPIRATION to everyone you know. I love you Tammy!"

A young lady from our church then wrote: "I love and miss you too, Tammy."

A friend from our church in Manhattan (we moved from there 22 years ago!) added: "I agree and I think the enemy wants to take you out for that very reason. You are a great threat to him!"

Tammy's response was this: "Maybe, but Satan has been defeated, so I will not be fooled. Try, he may, but I KNOW full well that Jesus, the Lord of Hosts, has His Hosts here to protect me. I am covered with His blood, no matter what shape my blood is in. I am not afraid! I will not let my guard down and I am staying strong and amazingly courageous." Then she quoted I Corinthians 16:13-14. "Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be courageous, be strong. Do everything in love."

I've said for some time that Tammy is my hero. Her faith is amazing. I love her more than I can express. I thank you for praying for her.

A Few More Restrictions

Joshua 1:9
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Tammy is doing okay today. She's starting to feel the effects of the chemo, which is expected.

She's now on a neutropenic diet, with the restrictions that go with it. This means she must avoid anything growing (plants, herbs, etc.). She can still have visitors, but they're going to be much more careful with who they allow in. If you've had a cough or a cold or anything like that in the past couple of weeks, stay away. If you've been around small children or someone with the symptoms above, stay away. It's not that she doesn't want to see you; her immune system is being depleted and she is at a much higher risk of picking up something.

If you "qualify," you can come to visit her. We ask that you call her first (913-908-4795) to make sure she's up to it. She welcomes cards (use our home address: 6926 Eby Ave, Merriam, KS 66204) or emails (TammySmale@gmail.com) or Facebook messages.

I'm sorry to be so abrupt, but I'm sure you understand how we need to protect her. The best thing you can possibly do is to pray for her. We appreciate the prayers being lifted up on her behalf.

Hanging In There

Revelation 3:8
"I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

These words, written to the church in Philadelphia, were the main part of the text in this morning's message at our church. It could not have been more appropriate and needed. We accused Brian of rewriting his sermon last night to give us just what we needed. God definitely used Brian to minister to me and to so many close friends who are so overcome with this news. The whole service was a blessing.

I continue to be very proud of Tammy. Though her strength is fading (as part of her treatment), she has kept God's word and has not denied His name. She continues to hold on to the promise He has for her, whether or not that means healing. She literally is okay with whatever happens.

As of this morning, her counts continued to drop, because the chemo was started yesterday with the specific purpose of killing her polluted cells in a controlled way so her body can build back good ones. We really won't know the next step after this treatment (for the next week) until midweek, when they get the rest of the results from her biopsy last Friday.

The doctors and nurses at KU Med Center are wonderful. They are taking very good care of Tammy, and haven't even asked if we're going to be rooting for KU this afternoon against North Carolina. (We might have to do so.)

Thank you for your prayers. We'll post any time there's an update.

A Major Setback

Philippians 4:6
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

We have some bad news that we want to share with you. We are not devastated, because this, too, is in God’s plan. But we definitely are set back a bit and are relying on Him for strength.

For the past week, Tammy has been feeling fatigue, and it’s been getting stronger each day. She woke up yesterday feeling very weak, so she called the cancer clinic. They told her to come in and get some lab work done. The counts were very low, actually lower than when she was diagnosed with the precursor to Leukemia in the fall of 2008. They did a bone-marrow biopsy and we got the bad news this morning.

Tammy now has Acute Leukemia, which means that 30 percent of her blood is inhabited by Leukemia. Anything above 20 percent is considered Acute. There are still plenty of tests to do to see if her bone marrow is hers or the donor’s, because that will determine the treatment once her Leukemia is in remission again. The first treatment is to give her chemotherapy for a week to wipe out the Leukemia. This will drop her white counts to zero, just like three years ago. It will take approximately two weeks for the counts to recover to the point where she may be released from the hospital, though that could take longer. Her recovery will be less predictable than the first time. We’ll have to wait and see.

Once the Leukemia is in remission, they’ll try to figure out why it came back. If they determine that her bone marrow is hers, it means whatever caused the disease in the first place was knocked down with the chemo three years ago, but not knocked out. Depending on what they find, they could look at a booster dose of the donor’s cells, or find another donor. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, though the doctor we saw today said he favors finding another donor.

The chemotherapy treatment will be different from what she received three years ago. It’s more focused on the Acute Leukemia, and may kill the Mylodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) cells. The MDS cells were what she had before, which is what led to Leukemia.

There is not a lot of disease in her body. Even though she crossed the threshold of Acute Leukemia, it’s still not wide-spread. The goal now is to take care of it so they can determine the treatment that best fits.

Once again, we covet your prayers. If you remember three years ago, we were carried on a pillow of prayers, so our journey was one of comfort and grace. We ask you to take her to the Throne of God once again. As much as you love her, I love her even more. As much as I love her, God loves her infinitely more.

Thank our friend Jim

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 118:29

We got to speak with Tammy's donor again today. It was the first time I had been able to speak to him. He is a breath of fresh air. I thanked him for saving Tammy's life, and he just chuckled.

I just sent the blog address to Jim and his wife, so they could learn about what a special person Tammy is. Here's what I wrote about "my hero."

"Tammy is a very precious jewel in our family. She is known by everyone as 'Sweet Tammy.' And unlike some nicknames that are spoofs of real characteristics, like calling a bald guy 'Curly,' this one fits. Everything she does is done with a sensational sweetness and generosity. The love of God shines through her and touches everyone with whom she comes in contact. By being willing to agree to God's nudging, Jim allowed that to continue."

Jim gave us permission to share his contact information. We won't post it here, but if you want to send him a thank you, contact me at DavidDSmale@gmail.com and I'll send it to you.

We are so thankful to Jim for his willingness to listen to God's leading to go through the testing process. We can all learn from Jim. Sometimes God will nudge us to do something we might not think of doing on our own. Be open to His leading.

By the way, Jim is a big Giants fan. So if you don't have a team to root for in the Super Bowl next weekend, join us is saying, "Go GIANTS!"

Really Big News!

“Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” Proverbs 15:30

It’s been almost a year since we last posted. The last post was on Tammy’s second “birthday,” April 1, 2011. Not much is different than it was a year ago. Tammy continues to do very well. She shows no sign of rejection or trouble. The doctors at the clinic still call her their “perfect patient” because she’s doing so well.

In our post last April, we wrote, “We were talking earlier tonight that her donor is now 39 years old. Somewhere, he is probably thinking about the sacrifice he made two years ago today, and we hope he is proud of his service. We still hope to meet him some day to say thank you in person.”

While we haven’t quite reached that last goal, Tammy got a wonderful phone call yesterday that we wanted to share with you. It actually was quite funny. Here’s kind of how it went:

Jim: “Tammy?”
Tammy: “Yes.”
Jim: “I went to your bone marrow drive. I just called to see how you’re doing.”
Tammy: “I’m doing fine. So, you came to my bone marrow drive?”
Jim: “Yep, we were driving down the road and drove by the fire station (remember, our drive was at our church) and saw the sign that they needed donors, so we went in and did the test. They called me shortly after that and said they needed me to come back.”
Tammy: “So, you were a match?!”
Jim: “Tammy, I was your match.”

They talked for 30 minutes. We have Jim’s address, phone number and email and we plan to keep in touch. (If he’s okay with us doing it, we’ll put his full name and address on the blog so you can pass along your thanks as well.)

We have shed a lot of tears of joy today, as Tammy finally got to say thanks to the man who saved her life. He didn’t want any credit for that. He just wanted to know how she was doing. He readily acknowledges God’s role in this story. He and Tammy talked about God’s will during their discussion, and Jim recognizes that God led him to drive past that fire station that day.

It turns out that Jim is from Waverly, a small town in upstate New York, about 100 miles south of Syracuse. The fire station in his community was having a bone-marrow drive one day in early spring 2009, and he felt the nudge of God to go in and sign up. When he got the call that he might be a match for a 49-year-old woman in Kansas, he agreed to be a donor. Tammy is alive today because of his willingness to obey that nudge.

Let us remind you of a little history. In October 2008, Tammy went to give blood, something she’s done almost every year since she turned 21. They tested her hemoglobin, like they do for all donors, and found that she was a little anemic. They recommended that she get some more tests from her doctor. The doctor did a complete blood analysis and found that all her counts were low. After a bone-marrow biopsy in November, they found that she had mylodysplastic syndrome, the precursor to leukemia.

Over the next few months, her condition deteriorated rapidly. Though she had no clue she was sick when she first got the test results, she quickly started to develop symptoms. The doctors did what they could to keep it from progressing, but it was obvious that she would need a bone-marrow transplant in order to survive.

We had a bone-marrow drive at our church in Kansas City, but around the same time, the fire station in Waverly was having its own drive. It may have been in honor of someone in that area, but God had other plans. Just like He had a friend of ours donate her bone-marrow to someone about a year and a half ago as a result of our drive, He had Jim respond to the sign at the firehouse to save Tammy’s life.

Today, Tammy is the picture of health. She amazes people with how good she looks (like she’s been amazing me with her beauty for more than 45 years). No one who doesn’t know her story can believe that she survived cancer so recently.

Thanks, in large part, to our new friend, Jim.

Happy Birthday!

"This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it."--Psalm 118:24 (NASB)

Today is Tammy's second birthday. It's hard to believe but two years ago today she received her bone-marrow transplant. We were talking earlier tonight that her donor is now 39 years old. Somewhere, he is probably thinking about the sacrifice he made two years ago today, and we hope he is proud of his service. We still hope to meet him some day to say thank you in person.

So much has happened in those two years, and we are celebrating in a special way today. Tammy is a walking miracle. She looks great (I always thought she looked great). People tell her all the time they can't believe she's a former cancer patient so early into her recovery.

Let us catch you up on what has happened since our last post almost six months ago. Our daughter Julie got engaged in November, and she and Erich got married March 5 (see the photo above). It was a beautiful wedding, and we are thrilled to welcome Erich into our family. We told him it was hard to imagine saying it, but he measured up. Julie and Erich Braden live in Louisville, Kentucky, and are preparing to go into the mission field sometime in the next few months. They will serve in Poland.

David Lee is still in Poland. He went over there on a three-year commitment in September. He came home for almost a month for Julie's wedding, and he has been back in Poland for almost two weeks. He's doing very well, looking forward to another camp season this summer.

Tammy is working again, part-time for a financial services company. She's an on-call/substitute office administrator. She enjoys the flexibility of working when she wants and not having to when she doesn't.

I don't know that we'll ever take her recovery for granted, but it's not front-of-mind any more. It seems so natural now that she's doing so well. It's on anniversaries like this one that we take the time to praise God in a special way for the miracle He performed in saving her life.

We're at a point in our weekly Bible study at church where this past week we took a pointed look at the miracles Jesus performed when He was walking on Earth. The question was raised, “Is God still doing miracles today?”

We believe He is, and Tammy is proof. A miracle is something that could not have happened without the supernatural intrusion by God. It was His will that Tammy developed Leukemia, we believe, because He knew that Tammy would give Him the glory through the whole journey. It was His will that the young man would become a donor, not knowing that Tammy existed but with the knowledge that there might be someone out there who someday would need his donation. It was His will that the skillful doctors would choose to study oncology/hematology so that they would be there when Tammy's donation was ready. And it was His will that Tammy would receive the donation and with only a few bumps in the road be well on the way to a total recovery. She hasn't received the all-clear, because that takes five years, but all signs point that way.

We thank you for your continued prayers during the past two years, but especially since the original diagnosis was made in the fall of 2008. You are a special blessing to us.

Still Being Used in a Mighty Way

Romans 14:6a
"He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord."

Today is a special day for us. Those of you who know us really well might have one idea what we're talking about, but that's not it. I'll explain that later.

Tammy received a call this morning from her Mom. She found out that another life was saved through Tammy's illness. Let us tell the story.

When Tammy was first diagnosed with myelodysplasia, the precursor to Leukemia, many of our friends wanted to know what they could do. Tammy repeatedly told them that her desire was to have them pray for her. One of those friends decided to put wheels under her prayers.

She organized a bone-marrow drive at our church. A normal drive brings in 30-35 people, but Tammy's resulted in more than 140 people. Even the bone-marrow foundation people were impressed. We know of three people who were called as possible matches, but this is the first one we know who actually was able to donate her bone marrow to save a life.

It brought us to tears to hear of this lady. Not only was she willing to go through the process but she was willing to give life to another. We are so thankful, not only for this friend, but for the man who did the same for Tammy.

One of our friends made the following comment: "Good things can come out of suffering, and if not for you, then at least someone else! In a way, you've helped save another."

Remember that Tammy's prayer for years has been to be "used in a mighty way." Once again, God has showed us that He can use us mightily if we are willing to follow Him.

By the way, this news makes this one of the best birthdays I have ever had.

Day By Day

Psalm 90:12
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Today is Day 548. Why is that important? One and a half years ago today, April 1, 2009, Tammy had her transplant. The first few days seemed to drag. It took forever to get to Day 100, which was the first major milestone. After 100 days, because everything went well, she was able to be alone for periods of time and do things that she hadn't been allowed to do before.

The second hundred days flew by. We hardly even noticed when we hit 300 days. As we approached Day 365, we were less captivated by the number of the days than we were the fact that she had made it through a year. We celebrated that anniversary by visiting Julie in Louisville. The following Sunday was Easter, and we worshiped as a family together for the first time since before Tammy's transplant.

The doctors number transplant patient's days to be able to follow a treatment plan. Certain things should happen at certain times. We're now past the point where each day makes a difference in that plan, but every day that passes brings Tammy closer to complete recovery. Each day, she has a better chance of living a long life than she did the day before.

The Bible talks about numbering our days. Although we're not going through a "treatment plan," our days are important to God. In a sense, he is treating us. He offers spiritual health in a world of sin and shame. Each day we live according to His will is another day closer to the day when we will be "healed," the day Jesus calls us Home with Him. In the meantime, we can live each day as an important piece of the puzzle.

"As I'm counting my days, even though I'm starting from Day 0 and the numbers are going up, I am getting closer to spending eternity with Christ," Tammy said tonight. "I'm not counting the days until I die because I don't have to wait until I die to spend time with Christ. He is with me here. But my recovery reminds me of a future with no sickness, disease or pain. The wisdom that the Bible promises me in the verse above is recognizing that God is in charge of all my days."

We hope that you look at today and the days to come as important. Every day matters to God. We might not know what "day" it is in His plan, but He does. Our prayer is that God would bless you in a way that you would see His plan more clearly.

The Air I Breathe

Psalm 150:6
"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD."

Do you ever think about breathing? Probably not much, if at all. When you over-exert and are short-of-breath, maybe. If you're underwater trying to get to the surface, probably. But most of the time, we just breathe. But when you think about it, without breath, our lives would be short. Without breath nothing can live. If something has breath, it has life.

Today is the first Sunday Tammy and I went to worship without David Lee in the country in almost two years. It certainly was different. He's been gone before, but this time it's fairly permanent. But we were there to worship God with all our breath, and that's what we did.

Now, don't think for a minute that we don't miss David tremendously. He has been a huge blessing to us for nearly 27 years, and during Tammy's illness and recovery he was right with us. But we're really doing okay. Many people came up to us and with a frown on their faces (expecting a sad answer) asked if we were okay. We said "Yes. We know he's doing what God wants him to do."

I've been thinking about posting something ever since he left on Tuesday. The thought running through my mind was the song by Delirious? called "My Glorious." The chorus says, "God is bigger than the air I breathe, The world we'll leave. God will save the day and all will say My glorious!"

The first time we were faced with one of our kids planning a long-term stint in the missions field, I was concerned. Julie called us from Poland, where she was completing a six-week internship. She told us that she was thinking of serving for a year. I kept thinking, "Is this what God wants? Is this what I want?" Following a long phone call with Julie, we headed to church (a little late). As we walked in, the worship band was playing this song and had just reached the chorus as we walked through the door. It confirmed to me that it was what God wanted, and therefore should be what I wanted. I came to grips fairly quickly that missions was going to be a part of our family's lives from that point on.

Here's a link to the video of that song.

But wait, there's more. A good friend of ours came up to us after church and gave us a gift. We have grown close to her during the summer, and she understands what a special young man David Lee is. In the basket was a plaque that says, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord." There was also a book in the basket. The title? "The Air I Breathe." It's a devotional book about worship. It certainly was confirmation to us that God is in control of this situation and David Lee is in good Hands as he serves in Poland.

We ask that you pray for him to be effective as he serves. And pray that we can constantly remember that God is bigger than anything we encounter, and that He has David in His Hands.

By the way, if you want to read more about what David is doing, check out his web site. He's very transparent in his blog, and he does a great job of letting you know what's going on. Here's the link: http://www.davidlsmale.com/