God Is In The Miracle Business!

1 John 2:12
"I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name."

We have some wonderful news to share!

Today was our post-100-day follow-up visit. Dr. Abhyankar came in and read us some of the lab results and told us he was very pleased with many of them. The bone-marrow biopsy done two weeks ago came back very positive, with no signs of leukemic cells. Her immune system is still below normal, so she must remain careful not to be around large crowds or sick people. But everything else was right where it should be.

Dr. Abhyankar removed several of the restrictions that Tammy has been under since she went into the hospital March 23. She will be allowed to prepare her own food (except raw meat) and even do dishes as her energy level will allow. She will be allowed to go out in public on a limited basis (still staying away from the heavily congested locations/times). She can be around our brand new great nephew, Isaac. Finally, she doesn't have to have round-the-clock care, though we'll still have somebody with her whenever possible. He even suggested she would be able to drive in a few weeks if she feels strong enough.

This was the report we were expecting, yet we both were overcome with emotion when he told us. We have been praying for this day since November, and God has blessed us richly with positive news. After the doctor left the room, we hugged each other for several minutes. The sheer joy of healing overwhelmed us. We thank you for your repeated prayers during this ordeal. She is still not free from danger, but we are pleased she has come this far.

It's been a long time for both of us since we felt the healing power of Christ's forgiveness. Both of us were very young (8 or 9 years old) when we were baptized, and Jesus has been a part of our lives ever since. But we can't help but think about how it feels to realize that your sins are forgiven after carrying them with you for a lifetime.

These bodies are temporary. They will break down and eventually fail. So even though we have good news about Tammy's physical body, the news is nothing compared to the joy of knowing that we'll never die spiritually. Our eternity with Jesus has already started.

She Doesn't Look a Day Over 50...

Numbers 8:25
"but at the age of fifty, they must retire from their regular service and work no longer."

...but she is. Exactly. A day over 50.

There's really no other reason to write today, except to have a little fun. We're back in the having-fun mode, as Tammy is feeling much better. It's been a full week since the surgery, and we're really seeing a difference.

We're anticipating our big 100-day consultation next Wednesday. We believe some of the restrictions will be lifted, and we can't wait to find out what they are. We know she'll still be limited in her public appearances (her fans will just have to be patient), but things will loosen up a bit. Please pray for patience for us, not only in waiting for Wednesday, but also as we proceed through the next couple of months until all the restrictions are lifted.

I would also ask you to pray for my friend John. He is married to my best friend from high school. (She and I have stayed close through the years.) John was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer yesterday. He goes for an appointment with the surgeon Monday. He's nervous about the uncertainty of the future. Please pray for peace for them and their 9-year-old daughter, who understands that her Daddy is sick but doesn't know the whole scope of it.

Fabulous Fifty!!!!!!

Philippians 1:4-6
"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Today is another milestone. It's not really one with the bone-marrow transplant recovery, unless there's something about Day 114 that we don't know about. But it's Tammy's 50th birthday (though most people tell us they don't believe she's really that old).

We remember as children thinking that 50 was really old. Now that we've both reached that point, we don't think it is. We're nowhere near the end of the road. We have so much more work to do for the Kingdom of God. We look forward to going back to Poland as soon as the doctors allow it. We look forward to Tammy being able to go back to church and eventually teach the 4s and 5s, who are so dear to her. But no matter what the future holds, we know that God is in control. We know that He is working on us and through us to accomplish His will. That's exciting.

I bought Tammy a Brandon Heath CD for her birthday. One of our favorite songs on that CD is "Wait and See." We have embedded a video below. The song acknowledges that sometimes we don't know why things happen, and we certainly don't deserve good things to happen to us. We mess things up constantly. But God uses imperfect people to accomplish His perfect will.

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m not here for nothing
He’s up to something



Tammy continues to improve, slowly but surely. The normal recovery time from gall bladder surgery is two weeks, so she's halfway there. But she didn't start from a healthy platform, so it might take a little longer. I notice a difference each day when I get home from work. She seems a little perkier and has a little more appetite. It's sometimes hard to remember how limited she was even three months ago.

But as God works on her--and through her with her witness of His strength and sustenance--she will become more like the person He wants her to be. He's just not finished with her yet.

Back Where She Belongs

Tammy arrived home this afternoon from the hospital, feeling like she's taken a couple of steps back, but anxious to get back on the road to recovery. We're very thankful that the gall bladder flared up when it did and not two or three months earlier. She would have had a much tougher time dealing with the surgery and recovery when her strength was a lot lower. It's still a tough battle, but she's much better off now.

She'll probably spend the next couple of days just resting and recuperating. We have an appointment at the clinic a week from Wednesday, when we hope they start lifting restrictions.

Thanks so much for your prayers during this latest ordeal. We have felt all along like we're being carried on a pillow of prayers, and those prayers certainly got us through a rough weekend.

Getting Better

Ephesians 5:25-33
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing^b]"> her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Tammy is a day removed from surgery, and is getting better. She's still in some pain from the surgery, but the doctors think they will send her home tomorrow if they can get the pain under control. She's pretty immobile now, but they expect her to improve rapidly. She should be well enough for them to release her. (We have been tremendously impressed with the care she has gotten and continues to get from KU Med Center, and we know they will do what's right for her.)

I've been thinking a lot about yesterday's post, and wanted to add some to it. Even before Keith preached this morning about loving God as our first priority, I felt that I should clarify.

Tammy is my No. 1 priority and the center of my life, with the exception of my relationship with the Lord. The same is true for her and her relationship with me. We love each other as much as we do, because Christ showed us how to love. Ours is a sacrificial love, where we GLADLY give up our own desires and pursuits to tend to each other. As she has gone through this journey, now finishing up it's ninth month, my first thought each day is "How can I best serve Tammy."

I believe I am serving the Lord when I take care of Tammy. I hope that it's an example to our kids and to those who are traveling this path with us. Our service to God does not exist in a vacuum; it is incorporated into everything we do every day. Demonstrating unconditional, sacrificial love is a testament to what Christ has done for us. I show my gratitude to Him by caring for her. 1 John 3:16 says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that I cannot live without Tammy. God has not asked me to do that. But we wrote early in this blog that, though it is far from our choice, we were willing to accept whatever God chose to do, because it would bring glory to Him. He has chosen to heal her. She is getting better, even with this temporary set-back. He is glorified when we accept His plan.

It would have been more accurate to write, "As long as Tammy is around (hopefully a very long time), I can't think of a single place I'd rather be than right next to her. Eating my favorite meal and watching a ballgame on television paled in comparison to driving back to the hospital and seeing her again."

When I was very little, my parents told me that I should not consider getting married to someone until her wants and needs were more important to me than my own. I would be content when that feeling arrived. I found that with Tammy nearly 28 years ago. It is stronger today than it ever has been.

And as my friend Keith preached this morning, my desire to serve God and to please Him is the top priority in my life, and in Tammy's. We're not perfect. We get selfish at times and put things in the way. But we seek everyday to make Him our No. 1 priority. The best way I can show that is to take care of Tammy.

We'll post again tomorrow, whether or not she comes home.

The Joy of My Life

Song of Solomon 4:7
"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

There was never a doubt, but it was confirmed to me this afternoon. I can't live without Tammy.

I left the hospital about 2:30 this afternoon when Tammy was resting comfortably after surgery. She was going to sleep most of the afternoon, and I had plenty to do at home, so I left, not planning on coming back tonight.

I went to the grocery store, got most of the laundry done, and fixed myself dinner. David Lee is working, so I fixed what I wanted and sat and ate and watched the ballgame. But there was a pain in my chest, and I realized my heart hurt. Home is not home without Tammy. So I left the dishes in the sink, the clean laundry on the bed, and headed back to the hospital.

I walked in to find Tammy smiling and visiting with a nurse. The nausea is gone, though she still has pain from the surgery. In spite of that, she was cheerful. She told me that she didn't want to call me to see if I could come, because she knew I would drop everything and come. But she really wanted me to come back when she was more awake. Without a phone call or a text, we both knew what we both needed. We needed to be together.

David Lee had prepared a bag with some clothes for Tammy. I unpacked it and put the stuff in the closet for her. At the bottom of the bag, I found a cute little hat. She's wearing it in the picture above. I'm sure you all get tired of me gushing about "my hero," but it just happens. The nurses here were sorry to see Tammy have to go through this, but each one of them has told us how much they missed her and glad they were to see her. She just has that way with people.

There's nothing spiritual about this post, unless you count the fact that we believe God created us for each other. He knew before the beginning of time that I would need a strong, yet gentle woman to care for me with all my medical issues. He knew that she would need a compassionate husband who would care for her in sickness and in health.

Success

The doctor just came out of the operating room. The surgery went very well. He said it was "one sick gall bladder," but it's out now and she's doing fine.

We'll update later when she gets back to her room and wakes up. The doctor thinks she'll feel better quickly.

Surgery in the Morning

1 John 5:13
"I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW (emphasis added) that you have eternal life."

Tammy will undergo arthroscopic gall bladder surgery at 8:30 tomorrow morning. The gall bladder is inflamed, and the doctors agreed there was no reason to wait to take it out.

This is totally unrelated to the bone-marrow transplant or the recovery from it. She is a female quickly approaching 50 (next Friday), which are two of the three likely contributors to an inflamed gall bladder (she's not overweight, which is the third). The doctors not only believe this would have happened anyway, they're convinced this will do nothing to impede her progress toward full recovery. It may even help, as some of the nausea she's been experiencing the last few weeks may be more because the gall bladder was starting to go bad than a residual of the chemo more than three months ago.

There's always risk with surgery, so we're not jumping up and down with joy that she has to have it. But this is about as risk-free as you can get. She's proven that she's a strong woman who is a battler, so we're confident she'll get through this as well.

Are we sure? No. But then again, there's only one thing we're sure about. Death? Nope, the Lord could return before that happens. We know He's coming back; we just don't know when. Taxes? That's pretty certain, but maybe somebody smarter than we are will come up with a better way to fund the necessary government and get rid of the rest of it. The only certain thing in our lives is that Jesus Christ is Lord. We know that He lived a perfect life, willingly sacrificed His own life on the cross, and makes salvation from our sins as simple as believing in Him and letting Him be Lord of our lives.

The verse above was written in the context of the refuting the Gnostics, who believed that salvation came from "enlightenment" and was only available to a privileged few. They also believed that all matter is inherently evil, which means that Jesus couldn't have been fully God because He inhabited a human body. John wrote the letter to the Christians who were being told that their faith was not enough. John spent the first four chapters of his letter explaining the difference between their faith and the Gnostics' false teaching. He wraps up the letter reminding them that if they just held onto their faith, they would be fine.

That's what we're holding onto. We have confidence in the surgeon. We feel pretty good that the surgery will go well and that the doctors and nurses in the BMT unit will help Tammy get back to health quickly after the surgery. We're convinced that her recovery has gone well because the medical staff knows what it's doing and she has followed their orders. But we KNOW that God is in control, and we KNOW because we believe in Him that we'll have eternal life.

By the way, David Lee was able to replace the battery in my car, so we have one running vehicle now. We're in search mode for another one. David was driving yesterday when we were hit, and he did a remarkable job during the whole situation. He heard the car approaching quickly and prepared our car to avoid the traffic ahead of us after we were hit. After a second to make sure we were okay, he got out and made sure the other driver was okay. The other driver was a young man who was obviously upset. David calmed him down and reminded him that the important thing was that none of us was injured. I'm very proud of him (just like I am every day).

Quick Update

Tammy will spend the night at KU Med Center in the BMT unit. Because of her transplant recovery, this is the only place in the hospital they want her to be.

We're still waiting for the sonogram, but all indications are that it's something with her gall bladder. Her other test results are good. The doctor just made the decision that, because of the hour, it would be better to keep her here. I'm staying with her, which she says brings her comfort.

Thanks for the prayers. Please keep them up.

The Gall of It All

Lamentations 3:19
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall."

We've had better days. Everybody is okay, but we went from two cars to none in a matter of about an hour. The worst news came shortly thereafter when Tammy had to go back to the hospital. We're waiting for a sonogram, but the doctor thinks it may be her gall bladder. It is unrelated to the transplant, but everything is complicated by the transplant. She's back in the BMT unit, waiting for the test and then the results. She may spend the night.

I went to an appointment in the afternoon, and was stood up. Frustrated, I went back to the car and found the battery completely dead. Without any tools, I called David Lee, who called work and told them he'd be a little late. He drove the 20 minutes to where I was and tried to jump start it, to no avail. After trying for about 20 minutes, we decided we'd have to come back tomorrow and take the battery out and replace it. We headed back toward his work.

We were in stop-and-go traffic when David stopped, but the guy behind us decided to keep going. The picture above is the result. It's even more frustrating, because the car is one of my brother's. It was an extra, but it's obviously not any more. We waited for about an hour for a tow truck to take the car away and a friend to come and take us home. As we pulled away from the scene, Tammy called to say she was headed back to the hospital. It put everything else in perspective.

Tammy has acute stomach pain, and all the symptoms point to a problem with the gall bladder. She's at the prime age, so that's what they're checking first. If it is a problem with the gall bladder, she'll spend the night here and probably have it taken out in the morning. If not, she might go home. We'll try to update later, but please keep her in your prayers. She's been through a lot and has been a trooper. I hate to see her in pain.

News Report

Tammy was featured on the news tonight on the local Fox affiliate. Once again, Meryl Lin McKean did a great job telling Tammy's story.

Here's the link to the station's web site and the story: http://www.fox4kc.com/lifestyle/health/wdaf-marrow-donation-update-071309,0,6261794.story

We'll try to embed the video tomorrow. It's late (we just brought David Lee home from the airport after a short missions trip to Poland!).

Day 100!!!

Psalm 20:1-8
"May the LORD answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests. Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm."

Today is a day we have longed for. When we first found out that Tammy would need a bone-marrow transplant, and that it would require 100 days of round-the-clock at-home attention, it seemed like a terribly long time. Having gone through it, we now know that it's a terribly long time. But we also know how blessed we are. We have been supported by family and friends with meals, gifts, care and most of all prayers. We know for a fact that we couldn't have gotten through this without you.

We owe so much to Tammy's parents, who come to the house several times a week to stay with Tammy so David and I can work. They take her to most of her appointments at the clinic. They have been the blessing we knew they would be, and we appreciate them.

My Mom certainly has done her share too. When Lynn and Carleen can't be here, she's usually the one to step forward. We also thank Barb, Beth, Brooke, Thelma, Gary and Mary for being there when we needed them. We're not through with the need, and it's great to know that we have so many people we can count on.

We haven't taken the opportunity enough to thank the young man who was willing to step forward and donate his bone marrow so Tammy could go on living. We don't know his name, where he's from or anything about him. But God knows who he is and we have asked God to bless him richly. We hope to meet him someday, and we will pass along our deepest thanks.

Finally, our kids have blown us away with their love and sacrifice. David returned home from the mission field just as Tammy got into the routine of preparing for the transplant, and he committed to stay at home so this time would be easier to handle. He has embraced this as his journey as well. He has relieved so many burdens for both of us. Julie has a job out of town, so she can't be here as much, but she has brought joy to us with her writings, her calls, her cute texts and her inspirational support.

Today was just like any other day in many ways. It didn't seem like Day 100 when we got up. Tammy felt a little queasy, to the point that I stayed home for a while to make sure she was okay. As the morning went on, she got better and better, so I eventually left. After a short while, she called me and said that the local reporter who did a news feature on her in January had called and wanted to do a follow-up story. She came to the house at 1 p.m. and interviewed both of us. We'll post a link to the story when they put it on their web site Monday.

During the day, friends and family dropped by to help us celebrate. Others sent bouquets of balloons (Tammy can't have flowers yet) that commemorated Day 100. It's amazing how many different varieties of balloons there are with "100" on them.

Following is Tammy's synopsis of her thoughts as she reaches this milestone.

"The number 100 can be significant. I remember when our kids were in kindergarten. On the 100th day of school they were to bring a group of 100 things to school for show and tell. David took 100 shiny pennies, and Julie chose 100 tiny pink seashells she found in our craft closet. Because of the the two years between David and Julie, Julie had a long time to look forward to her 100th day in kindergarten. It was a very important day.

"Today is my 100th day. It has been 100 days since my bone-marrow transplant. It signifies 100 days of life. It feels like my birthday.

"In the last 100 days, I have collected special cards, letters, gifts, books, devotionals, scarves, phone calls and text messages from dear friends and family. These have all helped encourage me tremendously. I also have gained an even deeper relationship with my Lord, my personal Savior, my Redeemer and Healer. I've gained even more patience and a deeper amazement of nature as I watched the birds, clouds and trees through the front window of our home. Soon I will be able to venture out, bit-by-bit, beyond my house and front porch (and KU's cancer center).

"Every day for the last 100 days, I have awaken in awe and I've been thankful beyond words for another day to experience grace, mercy and total dependence on God to get me through the day. It has been amazing, and my life isn't going to stop at 100. There will be more stories of grace to share with new friends, more time with my family, and more time to praise and worship the God of the 100s.

"I have been praying for a few years for God to "use me in a mighty way." Lots of people tell me that I already have been used in a might way. I know that it's true, but I feel like my journey is still going, just 100 days old. Tomorrow is a new day, a new number, a new start, a new chance. "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23) To make a sports analogy, my two-minute warning has been exchanged for God's time clock. My time is in His hands.

"Thank you all for your love and friendship. We will continue to keep you all updated with how God is working in my life."

Perfect Patient

Ephesians 2:8-9
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast."

Tammy had her regular visit to the clinic today and got some very good news. The doctor came in and said, "How's the perfect transplant patient?" Tammy was a bit startled, but gave her usual response, "I'm doing fine."

Tammy has had a positive attitude pretty much the whole time, but this one caught her off guard.

The doctor went on to say that she was "ready for launch." She's down to one visit per week, starting this week. She'll have some more extensive tests a week from Wednesday, and if those show what the doctors think they'll show, the restrictions will start to be lifted. At the end of July, they'll determine the next steps in her recovery over the next 80 days.

After slow progress from about Day 50 to Day 80, she's really picked up steam. Her visit to her parents' house Saturday night lasted longer than we thought it would, because she felt well enough to stay for more than five hours. She's napping less, and has more energy and appetite than she has had in a while.

We're four days from Day 100, and we'll certainly post something that day. But we're celebrating a special Day 96.

Tammy has taught me a lot during this journey. She celebrates every day as a gift from God. When I get down about how long it's taking for her to gain her strength, she reminds me of the miracles that have happened already, and those still to come. Ten years ago, the survival rate from this condition was significantly lower than it is today.

She has taken good care of herself--and positive attitude is a big part of that--but she is the first to say she doesn't "deserve" to recover. Although she has been diligent to follow all the doctors' orders, there have been other factors beyond her input or control. The disease was caught early, before she really had any symptoms. We found a match less than a month after starting the nationwide search. The match seems to be perfect. She's getting more than she deserves.

Many times we wonder why God allows things to happen to "good people." "He didn't deserve that to happen to him," is a common statement when something tragic happens to someone we love. But when you think about it, we don't deserve much of what happens to us. I am blessed by a wonderful wife, though I don't deserve her. I have two awesome kids, though I don't deserve them. I have great in-laws, though I have done nothing to deserve them. I have a lot of great friends, though I certainly don't deserve them. Shall I go on?

It is by the grace of God that I am blessed. The greatest gift I've ever received--and the one I deserve the least--is forgiveness. I sin so much, yet every single one of them is forgiven. Jesus knew I couldn't pay for my own sins and have any chance of spending eternity with Him. So He willingly said, "I'll do it," and took my punishment.

That's something to celebrate.

Freedom and Independence

1 Corinthians 3:16-18
"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

Today is Day 94 for Tammy, and she continues to show improvement. She still has the occasional step back, but it's mostly steps forward at this point. We're preparing to go to her parents' house to celebrate the 4th of July tonight, and we're both excited for another "excursion." We're not there yet, but the freedom from the restrictions she's been under for the past three-plus months will be a welcome change.

We also celebrate the freedom we have as Americans, because of our Independence Day declared 233 years ago today. Our forefathers sacrificed everything they had, and many of them gave their lives, for those freedoms. Our country--which relied on God for strength as a rule, not the exception--became free from the tyrany of Britain's rule.

But the freedom we celebrate the most, is the freedom from sin. Through the sacrifice on the cross by Jesus Christ, our sins are paid for. No longer are we subject to the penalties of those sins. No more are we shackled to the effects of those sins. Our freedom was paid, once and for all, two thousand years ago.

Withdrawal

Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Tammy and I are going through withdrawal. Tonight, I went with David Lee to the pre-trip prayer meeting in preparation for our church's missions trip to Poland. The team leaves tomorrow afternoon and both of us wish we were going.

The past two years, we have been beside ourselves at this point, unable to sleep as we got ready for our trip. The first year, our excitement was over the anticipation of a brand new experience. Last year, we knew what was ahead, and we were even more excited. The feeling of being used by God overwhelmed us, and we couldn't wait to go back this year.

Then something got in the way and our plans changed drastically. Tammy's illness has changed our lives in so many ways, one of which is our inability to travel to our "second home" in Poland. We miss our "kids" and the many friends we met in the last two years.

Missions have captured our hearts, specifically the people and church in Poland. But we take solace in the fact that when Tammy gets better we will go back. Maybe that's next summer, maybe the year after. But we do plan to go back.

In the meantime, we're focusing on this "missions trip." In a past blog entry, we stated our belief that a missions trip is defined as getting out of our comfort zone on a journey to lead others to a deeper relationship with Christ. We're certainly out of our comfort zone, and many have told us that our story, and more specifically Tammy's witness of strength through this, has been an inspiration.

It's all we can do. God has called us to serve Him, whether that's here, across the ocean, or in a hospital bed. Our goal is to be content in the fact that God has a plan, and He is using us as part of it.

God is in Control

Philippians 3:20-21
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."



Tammy really likes Twila Paris' music, especially this song.

Recently, a friend of mine has been going through some really difficult times. Some family issues have been stealing his joy. As we talk a couple of times a day, I try to remind him that God is in control. He is a believer, and he often beats me to it. When he's describing the latest issue, he'll say, "But God is in control." My prayer for him is comfort and peace, and as long as he remembers that simple truth, he will have that comfort and peace.

Sometimes when we go through difficult times, our minds will tell us that God is in control, but our hearts will forget and fret. All of us have struggles and difficulties of one kind or another. It is a constant battle to not let those times steal our joy.

Look at the words to Paris' song:

This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by emotion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together

God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control

Tammy continues to improve. She's still in the three-steps-forward-one-step-backward plan. But the forward steps seem to be bigger. After battling high creatinine levels (which reflect dehydration and her liver and kidneys being overworked) for several weeks, the numbers are getting better. She went to the clinic on Thursday and didn't need fluids for the first time in several weeks.

Also, the nurse practitioner gave her permission to go to her parents' house for July 4 and be around family, even though the 100th day is not until July 10. She still has to be very careful, and can't love on her nieces and nephew too much, but to us it's a big sign of progress.

We're not out of the woods yet. The 100 days will not lift all the restrictions, but the fact that we're less than two weeks away is exciting for us.

And we're holding on to the fact that God is in control of the whole situation.

A Father's Love

1 John 3:1 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”

Today is Father’s Day and both Tammy and I have fathers to be proud of. We not only both look like our Dads, but they each had a huge role in making us who we are today. We were both raised in Christian homes, and our fathers each influenced us, and our spouses. They are a constant reminder of our Heavenly Father’s love.

My Dad, Ray, went home to be with the Lord January 23, 2005. It doesn’t seem like more than four years ago, and I miss him dearly. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.

All my life I marveled at the fact that Dad could demonstrate a father’s love so well without a good example of his own. His father took off when he was 8 years old, and that was actually a blessing because of the way his father treated him and his siblings. He was a remarkable demonstration of sacrificial love to my brother and me.

My Dad was a straight shooter. You never wondered what he thought. He was tough, but we knew that the toughness was only to make us tougher. When we needed him to be loving or gentle, he was.

Tammy remembers that my Dad always spent time with the kids. When we had church picnics in the park, he always sat with the kids and laughed and joked with them. Tammy remembers that she often was the only girl in the group, so he made her feel special. When I asked Tammy to marry me, I think it was one of the happiest days of his life, as well as mine.

When I was in high school, when a lot of friends were trying to get away from their “old man,” many came to my house because my Dad was so cool. When he was a dorm parent at Manhattan Christian College, I had to share Dad with 60 college kids. At times I was jealous, because they were taking his attention away from my family and me. Then I realized that he was doing what God put him on this planet to do--minister to kids.

I have cousins who referred to my Dad as “Pooh Bear,” because of his loving, gentle spirit with them. At his memorial service, a friend came up to me and said, “I know where your Dad is.” I said, “I do too, Don.” He said, “No, I mean I know what he’s doing right now. He’s welcoming the new people to Heaven. And he’s making sure the kids feel welcome too.” It really touched me, because I knew how fond he was of the kids.

As I grew up, I knew my Dad was proud of me. He didn’t tell me face to face that often, but he didn’t have to. I could see it. And I heard often enough how he “bragged” to others about what my brother and I were doing. Like all kids, my goal was to make my Dad proud. I’m very thankful that I did, and I am proud to be his son.

Tammy’s Dad, Lynn, is very special to both of us. Tammy says, “My Dad is special to me because of a lifetime of sacrificial love. When my brothers and I were little, Dad showed us unconditional love. He would take us fishing, and he was great at making us toys out of wood or whatever he would find around the house. He was very imaginative and inspired us to make the most of our situations.

“We didn’t have the money to go buy a lot of new stuff, but he still wanted us to have some of the things our friends had. He took great joy in making those things, many of which my kids and my brother’s kids played with when they were growing up and even to this day. He did all these things because he wanted us to be happy.

“He sacrificed a lot of his own desires to make sure his three kids were taken care of. That hasn’t stopped, even though we grew up and he retired from work. As I go through my battle with leukemia, he and Mom are the ones who take me to most of my appointments at the Cancer Clinic, two or three times a week. They also stay with me while David is at work and David Lee is in class or at work.

“He also instilled in my brothers and me a desire to worship God. He didn’t just take us to church; he was a leader in church. He taught our Sunday School classes. He taught David and me in Sunday School in second grade.”

It was in that second grade class that I learned to appreciate Lynn. When I was baptized in the spring, I chose Lynn to help me prepare for baptism. It was the practice of the church at the time to have an elder help the men get ready and an elder’s wife to help the women and children. I said, “I don’t want a woman helping me, I want an elder. I want Lynn Young.”

When my family moved away from Kansas City after our fourth grade year, Lynn drew a big picture of my family for the entire church to sign. It hung in my parents’ basement for years. I remember being in the basement (rec room) and looking at that 8’ x 10’ sign and seeing Lynn’s name on it. I missed him and his family. And then I’d see Tammy’s signature and secretly think, “I sure wish I could marry her.”

Lynn and I have had a special bond for years. We share a love of sports, which is far less than our shared love for his daughter. Some of my fondest memories to this day involve sitting on his back porch or my front porch and talking about “guy things,” like we did today. Without my Dad around, Lynn is very much a father to me in the most special way.

Both of our Dads are great examples of God’s love. He lavishes love on us, even when we do not deserve it. There is no greater demonstration of this love than when He sent His Son to die for us.

Just like we want to do things to make our earthly fathers proud of us, we want to do things that make our Heavenly Father proud. That is why we love each other. That is why we love our kids. That is why we love our neighbors. It’s why we have traveled half-way around the world to serve in the missions field. All of these things bring great joy to us, just like loving us brings great joy to God. We hope that as you read this blog, you are blessed by it. We are serving God, trying to make Him proud by what we write.

We desire, more than anything, to hear these words spoken in Matthew 25:23 “Well done, good and faithful servant! … Come and share your master’s happiness!”

Are We There Yet?

Philippians 3:12-14
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Many of us grew up taking car trips. When families went on vacations, they usually went in the car. My Dad worked for TWA, so we flew a lot when I was a kid. But we still took the occasional car trip. Tammy and I and our kids took most of our vacations by car. Many of our fondest memories come from those car trips. How about you?

One of the most often-asked questions on these trips is the same, regardless of the destination, or the family: "Are we there yet?" We get impatient on the journey. While we're on the journey, it seems like it takes forever. But think about it, when you get to your destination, you forget the time and remember the fun of the journey.

We are at Day 75, the three-quarter pole for Tammy's journey. We're not sure exactly what happens at Day 100, but we know it will free her up to do more things. More importantly, it will mark the passing of the riskiest period of her recovery.

We've stated before that it seems like the time has gone quickly in some ways, and it's dragged in others. Tammy is doing pretty well, so it seems like she should be out of the woods. She's "not there yet," though, which is why they put the benchmark at 100 days, not 75.

Paul looks at life as a journey. We won't be complete in our conformation to the image of Christ until our journey is complete. But we are progressing. When we look back on all the things that have happened on this journey, do we remember the time it took, or do we remember the things that happened along the way? Do we even look at the big picture and see how the events that happened shaped the end result?

Recently, someone very close to Tammy asked her if she ever woke up and thought it was October (before she got sick). Her reply shows where her heart is. "Every morning when I wake up, I feel like it's Easter. God has given me one more day to live for Him. It's as exciting as Easter morning. Jesus rose; this is true. He has given me this day for Him."

Tammy has never asked God, "Why me?" She looks at this story as a way to bring glory to Him.

She’s not there yet, but she’s on her way.

Day 72, Even Par

Psalm 112:6-7
"Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. "

First of all, I'll apologize for all the sports analogies I use. That's how I think. When a thought comes to mind, I generally relate it to sports. It's how I roll (sorry kids).

Today is Day 72. When I think of 72, I think of even par. The majority of PGA golf tournaments have a par of 72 for 18 holes. (Practically all tournaments are 72 holes too.) There's nothing glamorous about even par. It's dull, boring, uneventful. Professional golfers want birdies, not pars. They'll even take the occasional bogey as the payoff for taking the risk to get the birdie or even the eagle.

I once heard that if a pro golfer shot even par every round of every tournament, he would be in the top 10 on the money list most years, winning more than $1 million a year. Last season, even par would have been one shot off the lead at the US Open. While you won't get the headlines with even par, you'll do quite well.

We feel kind of like that golfer who is shooting even par. Tammy's progress is not flashy. She's not ready to take on the world, or win a golf tournament. She hasn't made that miraculous shot for an eagle, but she also hasn't knocked it in the lake and taken a double-bogey. Slow, steady, consistent improvement is the goal.

The last month has been slower. She got better so quickly that we expected her to continue on that rate of improvement. But there is a reason that the doctors tell us this is a 100-day trek. It will be 100 days from the transplant (or almost another month) before she feels ready to get out and start to get back to normal.

It reminds us of our spiritual walk. God is not looking for flashy--the good deed that grabs the headlines while we secretly live a life that draws people away from Him, not to Him. He wants consistent, honest, faithful followers.

I was in a Bible study this week studying 1 John 3:4-6. We spent the entire hour on those three verses. ("Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.") It's hard to come to grips with that last sentence. As followers of Christ, we still know that we sin. How do we justify this in our minds?

While not justifying sin, we decided that these verses are talking about a lifestyle of sin, where sinfulness is "ruling principle" of our lives. We should continue to feel guilty for sin. In fact, it's when the sin no longer bothers us that we are in danger of falling into the lifestyle of sin to which John refers.

We also talked about how our biggest need is the ability to accept the forgiveness Christ offers. Consistent, steady, even-par faith does not assume that we will never have a bogey (sin). It doesn't assume that we will never have a birdie (a good deed that brings glory to Him). It assumes that God is the center of our lives. As consistent, even-par Christians, we reach the end of the round right where we should be.

Happy golfing.

Contentment

Philippians 4:11-13
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

We haven't posted in a week. I'd like to say it's because I was busy, which I was. But really it's because there hasn't been much to report. Tammy's progress is slow and steady. Sometimes it's hard to think of something to write that's new.

Many times I'll get an inspiration from the sermon at church, and today was no exception. We had a guest speaker, a young man who is a missionary in Japan. He spoke on Philippians 3:12-21, where the Apostle Paul talks about not being finished in his Christian growth. He also talked about being content in our situations, and how our perspective affects what we see.

In one sense Tammy's recovery has gone quickly. We're 2/3 of the way through the 100 days, as today is Day 67. But when we look at it day by day, it seems to drag. We knew this would be a long, drawn-out process, but I guess we didn't quite realize how slowly it would go. We have to take a step back and think about where she was a week ago or a month ago to understand that she is getting better.

Tammy is doing well. She's gradually getting her strength back. Her blood counts continue to go up. Everything is going according to schedule. We're content in the progress.

We had a wonderful visit this afternoon from some very close friends from Oklahoma. They are in town visiting their daughter and they came over to the house to see us. We laughed a lot and told old stories that still make us feel good. One of the memories we talked about was when we took a vacation together to some remote cabins in Northwest Arkansas. It was so relaxing. We blocked out everything that was going on in our worlds. We were content.

Contentment doesn't mean whistling past the graveyard saying everything is great when deep down we don't feel that it is. Contentment really doesn't even mean happiness. It means being satisfied with where God has us at the moment. Remember that Paul wrote the letter to the Philippians while he was in jail.

The only way we can truly be content is to completely trust God. We know that He has a perfect plan, and we can't wait to find out the next step. We are helped tremendously by the support we have received from so many of you. You have helped us look at the positive side, at the blessings God has provided us through a difficult time. You have helped us be content.

We pray that you have an awesome week.

Day 60

Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Philippians 3:13-14
"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Sports fans are into numbers. The number 60 is one of those special numbers that instantly bring specific thoughts to your mind.

For years, 60 was a special number to baseball fans, as Babe Ruth held the all-time home run record in a single season with 60 (in 1927). When Roger Maris was threatening the record in 1961, many fans sent him hate mail, because they felt the record belonged to Ruth and no one else should consider taking it away from him. When Maris hit 61 that season, Major League Baseball actually put an asterisk in the official record book because he did it in a 162-game season, while Ruth's record was in a 154-game season.

There are 60 minutes in an NFL game and an NHL game. The 60-win plateau in the NBA means you've had a tremendous regular season. Even with cars, the test of acceleration is how fast the car can go from zero to 60 miles per hour.

Why are we going down this path? Not just because I am a huge sports fan. Today is Day 60, and we're celebrating that fact more than hitting 60 home runs. Just as we expected, this ride has been a roller coaster. We've had a lot of ups and the occasional down that caused our stomachs to move up into our throats. We're now well past the half-way point. We still have the quick dip that makes us queasy, but those are fewer are farther between.

We feel like we went from zero to 60 rather quickly. In some ways it's been slow, but many of you have told us that it's hard to believe we're as far along as we are. We're now starting to look at Day 100 as something to plan for, rather than something far in the future.

We are running the race with perseverance, pressing on toward the goal. We do that with our eyes fixed on Jesus. As tempting as it is, our ultimate goal is not just getting Tammy healthy. Certainly, that is a goal. But our goal is to run "the race marked before us," and that is to do everything we can to glorify Him.

We hope you are enjoying the run with us.

Quick Update

James 5:16
"...pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

The prayers are working. Tammy went back to the clinic today and her blood levels are already showing signs of improvement. The numbers are not where they need to be, but they are better than yesterday.

She'll go back to the clinic tomorrow and maybe Friday. She'll go every day until the levels return to a manageable level. Please keep up the prayers.

A Precautionary Step

Matthew 10:29-31
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

The doctors have told us on numerous occasions that having a bone-marrow transplant is, in many ways, more complicated than having a heart or lung transplant. There are so many variables, many of which fight against each other. It's a constant puzzle.

Today, she found out that her numbers are high as they relate to her liver and kidneys, meaning they have to work much harder than they should have to work. We're a long way from a problem, such as a shut-down that would require dialysis, but we want to get them under control.

Therefore, the doctors have cut back on many of her medicines. One of the side effects of the medicines she's on (to control rejection and fight infection) is possible damage to her organs. She didn't have any symptoms, other than a little more fatigue, so it's a good thing she had the blood work done. That's why she goes to the clinic so often.

God is in the details. He not only has the big picture in His control, He has the most minute detail in His control as well. He knows how this is going to be solved, and He has given the doctors the wisdom to cut the medicines by the right amount. For the next few days, Tammy will be going to the clinic every day to have the levels monitored.

We ask for your prayers that this will be a simple bump in the road. We also continue to ask for peace during this whole process. Mostly, we ask that God can be glorified.

Happy Memorial Day

2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

Memorial Day is a big deal to our family. Both Tammy and I have fathers who served in the Army, mine during World War II, Tammy's just after Korea. There are other family members who have or are serving in a branch of the military today. We appreciate the willingness to serve our country, and the freedoms that we have because of them.

Tammy is doing well. She had kind of a rough week last week, a minor set-back in her progress. There's nothing wrong, just some additional fatigue. After getting noticeably better almost every day for a while, it was frustrating to see her more tired. He blood counts still are improving, so we're confident that it was the "one step back" after several steps forward.

Yesterday and today are better. She has more energy (relatively speaking) and is working on copying recipes for Julie. We know this is a long road, so the occasional slow-down is understandable.

Getting back to Memorial Day, it is an awesome tribute to our troops. We are watching the NASCAR race, and we just saw a moving tribute. They just threw the caution in the middle of the race, brought all the cars to a stop near the start/finish line for a moment of silence. Even the drivers were moved.

The sacrifice our troops have made to provide us freedom is something everyone can relate to. It reminds us of what Christ did for us. (This is too easy.) The scripture above points to the fact that Christ gave up His own freedom as part of the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and came and dwelt among us. He experienced the same temptations we do, suffered rejection and humiliation, and willingly sacrificed Himself so that we might experience freedom from sin.

The world we live in is a constant battle. We battle the temptations of life. We battle each other, thus the need for military. We win one battle and another one comes right after it. The beauty of Christ's sacrifice is that it's a once-and-for-all sacrifice. He paid the price for our sins and it's over.

As we celebrate Memorial Day, remember the ultimate sacrifice paid by the Ultimate Savior.

Joy in the Little Things

Psalm 28:7
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."

Tammy and I were relaxing on the front porch swing tonight, when I asked her what she was looking forward to the most when she was released from the tight constraints of the first 100 days. We know she won't immediately go back to the way it was before she was diagnosed, but she will be allowed to slowly get back into the normal swing of things.

She brought up a few things, including driving through Shawnee Mission Park, a large park about 15 minutes from our house. It has a lake in it, lots of different kinds of trees and flowers, and some beautiful views. It's hard to imagine that such wide-open space could be that close to the city, but it is. We then decided that if she could sit on the front porch (with a mask on her face to protect her from the pollinating plants), she probably could survive a drive around a park with the windows up. Shawnee Mission Park was too far away to be able to see anything because of the impending darkness, but Antioch Park, a smaller park that's 3 minutes away, would fit the bill.

So we took a short drive around the park and watched families enjoying each other's fellowship in some of the park shelters and dreamed of the day when we could do the same with our families.

We talked about the fact that when so much of normal life gets taken away, it's the return of the simple things that brings the most joy.

What brings you joy? Is it closing that big deal, or seeing that big smile on the face of one you love? Is it attending that big event, or making an event out of a short drive? Is it buying that new car or boat, or buying some time with a loved one when they need you the most?

Our prayer for you is that you can find joy in the little things, because they all come from God.

Halfway There

Philippians 1:6
"...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

We've been talking about the 100-day journey for some time. The recovery process is longer than 100 days, but at the 100-day mark, Tammy likely will be released to do more in public. That's also when the way she feels will catch up with the blood levels. Her blood counts are significantly higher than when she was diagnosed, but she still is more fatigued. By 100 days, she should feel pretty good. She won't be in the clear at 100 days, but it's the most critical time.

Today is Day 50. Her transplant was April 1, so we have now gone 50 days toward recovery. We're halfway home.

Halfway is significant in a lot of things. The halfway point of the Super Bowl is marked by the Halftime Show that gets its own promotion. The halfway point of the Major League Baseball season is the All-Star break and when the contenders separate themselves from the pretenders. The halfway point of a school year is the Christmas break and when the days start counting down instead of up.

Halfway is important. But it's not enough.

Aren't you glad that God doesn't do things halfway? He created the Heavens and the Earth, but if He didn't create man in His image we wouldn't exist.

He sent His Son into the world to save us from our sins. But if Jesus didn't complete the process by going to the cross and then rising from the dead three days later, it would have been for naught.

We can acknowledge that God exists. We can recognize that Jesus walked the Earth, died on the cross and rose again, but if we don't accept Him as our personal Savior, we won't spend eternity in Heaven with Him.

It's something to think about, and not just halfway.

Love Comes Through

Matthew 19:14 "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"

We don't often post twice in a day unless there is big news to report. But this time we'll make an exception. Of course, this might not be an exception because this is big news.

Most of you who know how much Tammy loves little children. She was a preschool teacher for 10 years and has taught the little ones in Sunday School since she was in high school. They are very precious to her, and that comes through to everyone, especially the kids themselves.

Today, the little children from our church, from age 2 through grade school, made get-well cards for her. The children's ministry coordinators gave them David Lee at the end of the second service and he brought them home for Tammy to read. She opened each one of them and read them, making comments about each child who made one.

Tammy doesn't cry much, but her eyes were filled with tears of joy as she looked at stacks of cards and felt the love behind them. She loves those little ones and misses them. It warmed her heart to know that they miss her too.